You Can Be New

How often do we stop to really think things over, sure if it’s something we are going to spend a lot of money on like a car or a house we will take our time but if it’s just a small thing like are we going to eat that whole basket of fries or just half we often times let the moment decide.

We are an impulse people, that’s why the advertisers love us, we see it, we want it. Go in to any store and they will have signs all over the place, each one designed to make you spend more then you want to. My sister and I joke that if she goes in to Target and spends under $100.00 she is doing good, and for me if I go in to the dollar store and spent under $20.00 I am doing good. She didn’t really need all she got nor did I, but we are impulse shoppers, the both of us. We are a marketers dream come true.

Why do I bring this up? What does this have to do with change? Well The idea is, we don’t spend the time we really need to on thinking, we need to stop before we purchase and really think about do we really need this? We also need to do the same with our lives, we need to stop and think more.  

Often times we do things in our lives on impulse, we go out, get drunk on an impulse. We get married or divorced on an impulse. We pick up one face self help book or diet on an impulse. No real thinking involved, we just do it.

Life change is not an impulse it is a slow thought out process, one that takes dedication and lots of hard work. Fads and impulses are not the cure; you will not find what you are looking for based on a quick reaction, or the latest book. Change is deeply rooted in you; it has to become your fabric of life, your mantra. Impulses are not mantras they are slick advertisements designed only to take not to give.

So stop the next time you are about to make a life change (diet, self help book) and really think about it, is this something that I can really make part of my life fabric or is this something I saw on Oprah. Life change is not a 30 minute TV show; it is a commitment of self for self for life.

Paul

I am often asked how I keep such a positive attitude, and my response is always the say, “Why Not?” To me that is the only response needed, it sums is up pretty well don’t you think?

 Attitude, positive or negative, is all a choice. We decide what it is we want to be, and then we do it. Yes I know there are people out there with medical conditions, chemical imbalances, and yes I know they cannot control their moods and such. And I also know that it is not a choice for them to have this condition, but it is a choice for them on how they will deal with it. They can get medication, see a doctor or find organic alternative. So in the end, it is still a choice, they choose to deal with it or not.

We all make the same choice every morning when we wake up, we decide when we are cut off by a crazy drive on the way to work, or when our boss decides that today is the day they will ream us. We decide how we will react; we can decide how it will affect us the rest of the day. And we decide how we will allow it to affect our relations with others.  I have suffered each of the above situations, and I have chosen badly and wisely. I have reacted with anger and frustration, taken it out on co-workers, friends and family. And I have also let it roll off me and decided that I would not let it affect me in a negative way, but rather I would use that energy to create. I would put that energy back in to whatever project I was working on, work related or not.

I know that for me, I prefer the second options, to allow it to feed in to my creative process, use the negative to generate a positive; a much better outcome for all involved in my life. I choose to not allow it to bother me.

Yes, I do still get angry, yes sometimes I forget to control my anger and I let it affect my life, I choose not to let it roll off, and I pay for that choice. I pay by having a bad day the rest of the day instead of having just a bad moment.  I allow the moment to control the day. 

In truth we all have moments, good and bad, and we will always have them, but it is how we choose to deal with the moment, how we choose to allow them to control us. I choose to use them all, good and bad as moments of learning, moments of enlighten.  I choose to use the energy to good, for creation and for the betterment of me and all around me.

So start today, take a small moment and allow it to be part of the creation of a greater moment, allow it to feed your creative energy, allow the day to control the moment not the moment to control the day.

Paul

To each of us one day can be a thousand different things. Each gust of wind can move us in different and new directions; each flower we see will touch us in differently.  The world offers us different experiences, many ways to see the same thing, and many ways to live our life out.

A day of sunshine for me can be a day of rain for you, even thought we are in the same place, living the same weather. I am, of course, speaking metaphorically about the rain and sunshine, but not about how each of us experiences the same reality thousands of different ways.

We all have the ability to process information, we all have the ability to them use the information to help us determine our outlook on life, and how we react to or do not react to any one give situation. It’s our makeup how we are programmed or hard wired, what ever you want to call it, it is us.

Me, I see things mostly in a positive light, yes I know and understand that bad things happen, that at time life is crap, and yes I too can feel that way, and yes sometimes my outlook is not so positive, but I always try to put a spin on it, to make light of it, to have a laugh at my own expense about it.

Others see life only in darkness, no light shines through. They see no happiness in the world. I am sure that they too have days of light, just like I have days of darkness, but unlike me, they do not make light of it, or laugh at themselves, but rather they make it heavy, and fill it with dark matter and create a reality for themselves that fits their need.

We all do this, in one way on another, we all create the reality we need or want. We create a reality that fulfills our outlook, our destiny. We all have hear it said that we create our own destiny, and I believe this, I truly believe that God allows us to create our own destiny, and in doing so, we can create it how we see fit.

So I see it as sunshine, and others as rain, and some see it as partly cloudy, what every your weather pattern is, is what you choose it to be.

We all long for those sunny days in the summer, days we can spend outside with family and friends. We all need a little sun light in our days, to perk up our moods, to make us feel better about ourselves. We all need them, the sun gives us life. If this is true, then we also need to have the same outlook on how we view life, how we live our life out. We need to create sunshine where there is none.

The soft gentle wind of change will blow over you if you see life as sunny, the warm rays of love will softly caress you and the sounds of summer will fill your heart.

Your outlook is your destiny, see is bright and sunny or see it dark and gloomy; either way that is what you will get.

The Beatles said it best in the song “The End” :

“In the end the love you take is equal to the love you make”

We get back what we give, or in other words, we get back what we project out. If we see things as dark and gloomy that is what we will get in return, if we see them as sunny and warm, that too is what we will get back in return.

Life is ours to live, so live it fully, fill your days with sunshine and warmth, and in time you will get it in return.

Paul

Discipline is part of any change, and one of the things I am working on is becoming a better writer. I know lots of you are saying keep working, that I have a long way to go. And I would agree!

But part of that process is this blog and my other blog, and I have committed myself to write and post a blog everyday except the weekends. And man that can be a hard thing to do sometimes. Like today, I just really have nothing to say, I started to write something 4 different times, and nothing came to me. Just a big fat BLANK! Not good when you have committed to writing everyday, and don’t want to go back on that.

Wouldn’t do me well not to practice what I write now would it. So here is my post, for what its worth.

I did what I stated I would, I posted to both sights today….

Paul

Actions are often times more important then words. What we do can define s more then what we sat. How we are seen by others is based on what they see. Our first impression often times is based on our actions. Having said this, our actions sometimes can be our words.

We can stand for something; we can work towards an end, and be seen in action for this end. Attending all the right rallies or events, our money and talent may all be used for this end. But one word, one slip can change how we are seen, the actions all forgotten and the deeds all undone. One word can change the history of our legacy.

To many this just happened over the last week with the remarks made by the Reverend Jessie Jackson, his comments about Mr. Obama and his use of the N-word. His credibility has been called in to question and his relevance is now in the balance. His legacy may be re-written and his history of the quest for equality is now in question.

His actions are now shallow and his accomplishments are in question, based on his words. Actions and words need to line up; they need to be one in the same. We need consistency of word and action.

Every Black person in America should be up in arms over the words of a civil rights leader use of the N-word. Every American, regardless of color, should be calling The Reverend to task, should be demanding that no one, of any race, should ever use that word.

If we truly want an America that is color blind, one that knows no color, then we can not, and should not stand for this from anyone.

The Reverend Jackson has stated he was sorry for using the word, but can we take him on his word? Based on all the speeches given about the use of the word, He has called all people of color not to use the word, yet he seemed to see himself as exempt from the rule. His words where noble, yet his actions shallow.

This issue will not change anytime soon, we have a deep divide in our nation, one that separates America in to two, a Black America and a White America. This separation of America is our actions, and they are counter to our words of equality that many speak in this nation. We talk a good talk, but our own actions as a nation seem to go in its own direction. We need to be one America, an America where color truly doesn’t matter, where the color or our skin has no bearing on how we are seen or treated.

We will not grow in to the nation that we know we are until we call ourselves to task.

Paul

To whom do we owe thanks when we change, when we become anew? To ourselves, to our family and friends, to our community, church and word, to the person walking down the street, to the world or to God, to the higher power who created all?

To whom do we praise, to whom is all glory given for what we have accomplished?

Some will say to yourself, you did all the hard work, others will say to your family and friends, they had to put up with you and still some will say to the world, we are all part of the same life force, and some may say to God. And a few will say to all, and everything, to yourself, to the world your family and God, for each had a part in the change.

Nice sentiments all of them, but really only one response is correct, only one is truly a thank you.

Your thanks should go to God, for God allows us to choose freely who we are, he allows us to walk the path we wish, and allows us to create our own paths in the forest of life. God is your constant friend, even if you do not believe, or want him around, God is beside you, knows your heart and sees your destiny, to him we praise and thank.

Some may say, but wait I did all the hard work, I am the one who cried when a part of me died, I am the one who had to walk the thousand miles to get to the prize, I am the one who changed, grew and became a better person, why should I not thank myself and thank God.

Why only God? Why not others, like family and friends? Why not the stranger on the street and the community or Church? They all suffered through it with me, they all had something to do with my change, none of us live in a void, and we all are part of the global community… Once again all good questions, valid arguments each and everyone, but still in the end, when all the bills are paid and our leas on this earth is up, it is to God that we owe all, it is to God that we wish to go. So it makes sense that it is to God I give my praise and thanks. It is God who allowed me my freewill, not my family, nor my friends. The community did not give it to me, the stranger has no power to do so and the world is too concerned in herself to offer any to us.

Yet God not only offers us freewill, he demands it and gives it freely, God encourages us to change, to grow and to become anew. It is only God who gives freewill and it is only God who deserves my thanks.

Some may be offended, some may even feel slighted, family and friends may be put off, the community and church may feel used, but if the help was done in the true spirit of helping you, then they will care not if they are thanked, for they too should be thanking God for allowing them the freewill to offer help to you.

So I would like to say THANKS GOD for the gift of freewill… I pray I have used it only for your glory.

Paul

Life is not perfect; we do not live perfect little lives where everyone and everything is in its perfect little box, all ready for us to use in our perfect little way. Life is not like that, and I for one am happy its not.

In to each life a little rain must fall…

Rain is a necessity; we need it for life to exist. With out it, the plants will die, the grass will brown the lakes will dry up. Rain is a good thing. The same is true for arguments, disagreements and differences, life needs this, and we need it. With out them our life is dead, nothing will grow, and we will dry up.

Now some will say life would be better with out arguments, that it would be a happier place we wouldn’t have as many divorces and hurt feelings. I say phooey to that, we have divorces and hurt feelings because people don’t know how to argue they don’t understand the importance of it the value added to life because of it.

When we argue, the correct way, we are not trying to hurt others, we are not trying to dominate them, but rather we are trying to move them from one side to the other, we are trying to help them see our point of view. Regardless of the outcome, both parties involved will have experienced a healthy bit of rain. Growth will take place, new ideas will spring forth and old ones will die out, the flood gates may open, and a whole new person may emerge, or they may not open and the old person is still there. Life is not to be controlled or predicted, but rather nurtured and feed. Rain is an important part of the nurturing and feeding of life.

The problem is that many do not know how to argue, they assume that arguing means that someone must lose, that someone will get hurt and the goal is to force the other to their side, for there to be only one winner. To them it’s not rain, but rather a fierce storm raging on in life, one that wrecks havoc in its wake; destroying the foundations of friendship and life.

That is not arguing, that is war, and war is never the response we give.

In to each life a little rain must fall…

Paul

Faith is a major part of anyone’s change; the process of changing takes faith, faith in the process, faith in those around you and faith is self, and mostly faith in a higher power, faith in God is paramount to all changes.

Faith in the process:

When we decide to change, we need to have a set of plans, a set of directions to follow a path to walk. When we decide to embark on this endeavor we need to have a set direction to follow. The walk may take us directly to our endpoint, or we may hit several road blocks along the way, either way we need to have faith in the process we are involved in. If we have no faith in the process we will soon quit. The road will become too hard to walk and we will find it to difficult to carry on.

So before you undertake the task of change, make sure you understand the process, you map out the road you will walk, and you prepare for the road blocks. By thinking a head and by having faith in the process you will encounter the bumps and road blocks along the way with a smile and the knowledge that you have faith in the process, and that you can over come what ever is in your way.

Faith in those around you:

The process of change involves more then just you, yes it is only you that is in the process, but in reality everyone around you is also changing, they are changing how they have to deal with you. Change is never a singular process, it always involves other, your spouse, your kids your co-workers and the person just passing by. The level of involvement depends on the level of intimacy and contact. A co-worker could have more to do with your process of change then your spouse if your interaction and contact is deeper with them then with your spouse.  They will affect your outlook and your path; they will be your road blocks and your catalyst in the process. They will bring you down or lift you up, if you allow. With faith in others around you, you will use their energy to be your catalyst when you need help over the road blocks along the path of change.

Faith in self:

Faith is self is one of the hardest parts of change; it involves you and you alone. Others can not give you faith in self, they can not help you with it nor can they take it away. It is the one thing you can not bypass, ignore or purchase it must come from with in. If this is the change you are trying to make, if you are trying to gain more faith in self, then this may be a hard concept to understand, and one that you feel is not compatible with your process. But the process is there to assist you along the way, the faith in self is innate, it is there, and the process is established to help you discover the faith in self. Faith in self is paramount to any change; this should be the first change anyone embarks on prior to any other.

Faith in a higher power, Faith in God:

Faith in God is the hardest for us to do; to give up control to an unseen all powerful God requires faith is self, faith in other and faith in the process of change. We must be willing to allow God to work through us an in us. We must be willing to allow God the freedom to change us, to allow him to work in us. God will not change us; will not work with us or through us unless we allow him to do so. We must be willing to have faith in Him; we must be willing to give over our selves to God.

We must have faith in God, faith in self, faith in others and faith in the process. Faith is the cornerstone to any change we undertake, it is the building block of all changes and can not be substituted, it is with faith that we will change.

Faith is not separate parts of the process, but all one, I have separated the parts to help express the full meaning of the word, and to hopefully give you a starting point to a discussion about what is need to truly change. Yes people have changed with out one or more parts of Faith, but I will argue that the change was only skin deep, it is only with faith, total and complete faith can you truly change.

Paul

We all need a break every now and then, time to just to be, time not concern yourself with others or with things. Time just to allow… Allow what ever it is you need to allow.

Well I just had such a day, allowed the day to take me where it needed to, allowed me to just relax, allowed me to be as I wish. Now I am not saying that I am not always who I am, because I am, I do not have several faces of Paul, there is only one of me (and many would say thank God to that, I am sure). But there is a difference to a day when you have plans, you know places to be things to do, all that good stuff, and you allow that schedule to run your day and you. We all have days like that, in fact I would say that most of our days our like that, we have work demanding our time, kids needing to go to and fro and a thousand other things that need to get done. And once the weekend hits, now we have to get everything else we have not done all week done on the weekend. And on Monday it starts all over again. UGH! Does it ever end?

Well yes it does end, if you allow it, if you stop the cycle and you allow the day just to happen. Now granted you can’t very well show up to work when ever you want, and yes the kids need to get to and fro, but other parts of your life can be allowed just to happen.

I find that the best days I have are days that I just putts around, doing a little of this and a little of that. The this may be cleaning the house, and the that is taking a nap. No rush to clean the house and no rush to take that nap, I just allow it to happen. The house gets cleaned and the nap takes place, but I didn’t plan either and if one didn’t happen, there is always the next day.

Life is too short to make every task a major priority; life is too special to plan it all out, to be on the run all the time, to make everything a priority.

If everything is a priority in your life, then in truth nothing is a priority. If cleaning the house is a top priority and so is your child, if taking the dogs for a walk and taking out the garbage is the same priority, if cleaning the toilet and cooking dinner hold the same ranking… Life has tasks, life has priorities life has rankings, we need to place everything in its proper place, give it its proper ranking, not everything can be priority number 1, then nothing is really more important then the other, your child holds the same ranking as your toilet, the dog the same as the garbage?

We need to learn to allow life to just happen, we need to allow ourselves the freedom to let things be. We need to learn that life is a gift to be lived, and that cleaning the toilet is not living, but walking the dog is.

So how do we learn this, by making a list of course…

List you daily task, then rank them from 1 to 10, with 10 being highest priority and one being the lowest. Keep in mind that you not have all number tens, nor can everything be 1’s. Life is a mix, a little of this and a little of that, and I would venture to guess that most things in your life are not number 10’s, but more like 4’s or 5’s.

I can hear you now, “What do you know, you don’t live my life, I got this, and that, and so and so depends on me for this and that…” and the argument goes on. You are correct I don’t know your life, but I can bet its not as you state it, I can bet that you place it all on yourself. So here is what I would tell you “Get over yourself, your not that important, none of us are”.

So create your list and be honest with it, and you will see that life is really not that demanding, lots of stuff can wait, and we have plenty of time to just allow life to happen. And if you do allow life just to happen I guarantee that you will be happier and healthier and believe it or not, you will get more done. The house will be cleaned, the nap will have been taken, the dog walked the kids driven and the all the rest.

Paul

Sometimes changes happen to you when you really don’t want it. It comes from outside of you, caused by someone or something else. It is in moments like this that I really don’t like change, not because it’s not good for me, not because it’s hard, all change is hard and for all I know it will be great for me, not for any of those reasons, but because I am not in control. The change came from elsewhere, not from me.

That makes the change hard to deal with, even if you know its coming, you see the signs, the writing is on the wall, they may even tell you it’s on its way, but still I’m not in control, I cannot do anything about it.

Some will tell you I am a control freak, but I would say I am not a control freak as long as I am controlling everything. Well that not really true, something’s I really don’t want to control, and others I have to. So control freak may be a strong word to use on me, may be a better word would be a control semi-freak.

So when changes hit me, and they are out of my control, I get a little upset. But then I try to remember the rule:

Worry about only what you can change

Good advice, easy to remember but really hard to swallow when I am the one who needs to swallow it. Life comes at you hard and fast sometimes, and sometimes you have no control over it. We all need to learn that rule, I know I do. Not only learn it, but more importantly live it

So I will let life come at me, and I will let the changes come my way… And I will live life to the fullest and only worry about what I can change…

Paul