Archive for June, 2008

You ever feel like you just need to empty everything out of your mind or even your life? Wouldn’t it be nice if we had a trash can like our computers do, just select elements to send to the trash, and then with a click of a mouse, it’s gone!


That seems like a great idea, bad day at work, no problem, select à send to trash and its gone, like it was never there. Don’t like what your kids just did, select à send to trash, your spouse get you mad, select à send to trash…


Life would be great… Or would it?


What a lot of people don’t know is that when you delete that document, photo or other file off your computers hard drive, its not truly gone, it’s still there as a phantom, a ghost of it self.  And id the file was corrupt or bad, it still can bring havoc down the road.


Much like life, that bad day at work, you sent it to the trash, but no one else did, and yep, it’s still in your hard drive, in the corners of your mind. It sits there, waiting to bring havoc, waiting to come out of the corner and show it self once again.


So may be a select à send to trash option is not such a good thing, maybe it would be better to deal with the issue, maybe it would better to confront the problem then to delete it.


I too thought it would be a nice idea to have a select à send to trash option, in-fact when I first started this blog that was the direction I was going to go, but conventional wisdom kicked in, and the realization that we can not truly delete anything from our minds, and like the hard drive, it will kick me in the butt someday, so we are better off to just deal with it, and allow it to teach us and help us grow.



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When does helping a friend become a “Doctor / Client” relationship?  I was asked this question the other day. Basically when does one cross that line, when does my advice to someone cross over from friendly advice to clinical advice.


To me, the line is when you become the replacement to professional help, when they stop seeking to outside help, or when you replace their ability to help themselves.


I am willing to offer my advice to anyone who asks, and sometimes to those who do not ask, I always have something to say about most things. I offer up what I feel is the sound advice, based on my moral standards. I offer it freely and expect nothing in return.


But there comes a time when that line between friendship and Doctor/Client relationship is crossed, when it is no long is friendly advice, but clinical evaluation. And that can become dangerous for both you and your friend.


It can lead to misunderstandings and an end to a friendship. Most of us are not qualified to offer clinical advice, nor are we trained in how to truly evaluate the person.


Of course each situation is different and we have to evaluate each one on its own merits, but causation should always be used. Friendships are of great value and should not be used as your own personal counseling sessions, but on the same token friends will listen and offer advice or just listen and offer only an ear, and often times that is all that is needed.


So when do we cross that line, I would say when we see our friendship slipping, we start to feel as if we should bill the other for the time we spend in “session”. The going rate, if you would like to know is $45.00 to $100.00 per hour. When you fell they now owe you for 3 hour, then you may have crossed that line.


So be careful, proceed with caution, but do not let that stop you from being the friend you are meant to be.




p.s. My advice is offered freely, I am not a professional, everything stated in this blog is from my own mind, or where stated borrowed from others. I do not charge, but you are welcome to purchase items from the Things to Buy links on the right side of this blog…. Thanks. J

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Yes & No

Can we really help someone change….????


Yes and No


Yes, we can we can help by offering our support, or understanding and our gifts. We can help by sometimes just being there, or by encouraging them on their way. By showing them how to remove the road blocks or offering a detour around certain road blocks. We can help by being a true and honest friend; one who states the truth even when we know it will hurt or offend the other. We can help by listening to the pain, but not by removing it or taking away from it, but rather by accepting it, and helping them to do the same.


No, we can not help by doing it for them or by allowing their pain to over ride our understanding or compassion. No we can not help by offering to do the work for then, or by offering easer roads to walk, or sheltering them from the pain that must be felt, we can not help by lying to them, or underplaying the truth or facts. No we can not help them by feeding in to their cover-ups and self deceptions. No we can not help them by allowing them to do it all on there own.


It is often a very thin line between helping and doing. We often see it in parents who want their child to excel; they offer their help by doing the work. Or we see the parent who wants the child to be self-reliant, so they are completely hands off, neither option is best, but rather it is some where in the middle, we offer to guide and to nudge but not to take over and do.


The same is said for helping a friend through difficult times, all to often we revert to our nature to either do it all or to do nothing, because the thin line is often to hard to walk. We get frustrated and often times it’s just easier for us to do it. Once again we see this in parenting, we ask our child to so this or that, but often times we end up doing it, because its just easer, they don’t do it right, or it take them to long, or I would have to explain it anyway, so I might as well just do it.


I know I have done that in the past, and sometime still do, but I try hard to not allow myself to do that, if I do, how will they ever learn? The same is said for helping a friend through a change, the same can be said for a lot of life. Often times we need to learn how to do or not do something, to learn it by doing it.


I see this in the classes I teach and in my youth ministry, often times when I am dealing with an adult who likes to do, rather the teach, I have to spend time teaching them just how to let go, and when I am dealing with a youth who is use to having every task done for them, I spend time teaching them how to do, how to accept the task.


Life is full if lessons, but no lesson is learned if you never do the lesson.


So YES you can help a friend through a change, and NO you can not help them… Once again it’s a life lesson, that the helper must learn and they are helping their friend….


Life is hard, and full of lessons, and I for one say thanks God! Because if it was not, what would we do?



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Old movies are one of my favorites to watch on cold or rainy days, sick or just plan worn out. They are nice, and usually funny and always just mindless good entertainment. I love them, Arsenic and Old Lace is one of my favorites, a simple comedy that just has lots of one-liners and great dialog.


One thing about old movies is, what ever the problem, the ending is always good, the issue is fixed and everyone is happy. We need more of that in life, we need more reminders that the good will come, the happy ending is near. Maybe that’s why I love old movies; they are upbeat and always end on an up note.


There is something that is very comforting about sitting on a couch and watching an old movie, it calms me, and resets my thoughts. They always help me to feel better; they are like an anti-depressant for me.


Old movies and rainy days go together like peanut butter and jelly, rainy days are perfect days to reset your thoughts and watch an old movie. Some days I wish for a rainy day or as I like to call them, “Cat in the Hat” days. Days filled with rain and old movies, sitting on the couch, with nothing really going on.


I need an old movie day, a day to reset my thoughts, a day just to veg-out to mindless entertainment that will leave me feeling up-beat and content.


I have blogged before about how Christmas Music is one of my favorite things to listen to when I need to be up-lifted, I would have to say Old movies are a very close second to that, they both have the same effect on me, they both make me feel safe and secure, the both help me to feel better, more positive, and they both relax me. There is just something about Old Movies that resonates with me, any political or sexual agenda is always low-key, and overt, the story lines are always simple and mindless. And, like I have stated, they always end on a high note, up-beat and positive.


Sure they can be silly and sometimes down right stupid, but that’s what I love about them, they are just entertainment with no real social agenda, no real point besides entertaining you.


I think we all need to have a “Cat in the Hat” type of day at least once a month, a time to reset the mind, a time to shut down thinking and a time to just allow the simple things to be enough.



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I talk about change a lot here, and how we all need to learn to use change in life to help us all grow, and become new. I truly feel that change is always happening to us all, and the only difference is how we choose to deal with the change happening to us. But I thought I would take a moment and talk about a group of people going through a major change in their life, a change that can help them become what they are created for, a change that, if allowed too, will change them in to productive and happy people.


If you have not yet figured it out, I am talking about all the youth graduation from High School. We have set free our next generation of politicians, doctors and store clerks. Each offering us valuable and needed skills; Regardless of what they decide to do as their career, as long as they are productive, happy and healthy adults and contribute to the betterment of society, all is good.


We all too often push out youth in to what most would consider prestigious jobs such as:


  • Lawyer
  • Doctor
  • Scientist


Or other such jobs that we need, and yes they make lots of money, but we fail to remember that we also need people to perform other task, some no so great, and others very noble in deeds, but not in pay.


  • Store clerk
  • Trash pick-up
  • Armed Forces


Our future rest on the shoulders of this graduating class…


So as each heads off to university or trade school, or even if they choose not to attend any post secondary school, we as the current adults need to mentor them all, foster in them a sense of obligation to the future of this world and a responsibility to the generations that came before along with a need to care for the generations yet to come.


Each and every graduate has to own the past present and future, they need to feel an obligation to it and need to be apart of it.


We, as the current generation need to teach them not by words, but rather by example.



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Life is a complex thing, and we all see it in our way… Oftentimes we see things differently then others around us below are four questions we should all take the time to ask ourselves, and respond to with honesty. At certain times in our life we need to take inventory, see how we stack up, where we stand with ourselves and with others around us. The four questions are wide open, and allows for very short responses or extremely long ones. It is something you can do in a few minutes over a few days. But in the end, if you are honest with yourself, you should get a good look at who you are and how others see you.


In the end, it is still up to you to decide how to use the info, you may decide to leave things as they are, or you may decide that you need to change and grow, but always keep in mind that there is only one good reason to change, and that is because you want to, never change because others wish it or demand it, true change can only take place when it comes from you.




Who am I?


We define ourselves as we live our life, each event in life helps to define us. I would define myself as an overly optimistic person, one who tries to see the good in all, much to the pain of others. I see myself as a loving person, who would give his life for other, with expecting anything in return. I open my heart to others, allowing then, all too often, to take what they want or need, expecting noting in return. I have a sharp and often times bitter humor. A humor I use to get myself through difficult times, I see the funny side of all things, from the deepest tragedy to the down right mundane. I keep my deepest thoughts to myself, but I always show them in hidden ways (such as my Blogs). I am a very emotional person, and wear my heart on my sleeve, but use my humor to mask much of the pain. I avoid confutation (real confutations) unless they are deeply rooted issues (and I have many). I am conservative and very much rooted in that, and often have a difficult time dealing with people who are not. I am constantly trying to grow myself, so change for the better and to open my mind to new thoughts and experiences, not always with success.



Who do I want to be?


I want to be a person of compassion, a person with deep feelings and a person of God. I want to be a Son, Brother and Uncle that will make my family proud and a friend worthy of friendship in return. I want to be a person of morality, a person who walks the walk and talks the talk. I want to be a servant of God’s, and a true follower of Jesus. I want to be someone who will leave his footprint on this earth, but know one will know whose footprint it is. I want to be who God created me to be.




Who do others thing I am?


Others see me as conceded, funny and often times harsh. They see me as a person with a closed mind, self absorbed and one who is only concerned with my own opinion. Others see me as one who is often times closed to them, or as trying to change them, others see me as a person of deep faith, but also deep contradiction. Others see me as one who is giving, but only for my own personal reasons.



Who do others want me to be?


Others want me to be who they need at all times, they want me to be flexible to there need and not mine. They want me to only hold strong to convictions that they hold strong to, not to mine. Others want me to be faithful to my faith, only when it fits there opinion of faith. Others want me to be what they want, when they want and how they want, and they want to me know when who and how without telling me.




I hope this helps you, above are my own personal thoughts on these 4 questions. I may be way off base, or I may be dead on, it all depends on how honest I was and what my state of mind was at the time of the evaluation.


But all in all, it really don’t matter, because I am happy with how I am, I am content that I am on the right path to the me God wants me to be. I have tons of hard work ahead of me, and lots of ups and downs yet to come, but with the grace of God, and my own confidence in myself, I know I can achieve all I have set out to achieve.





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We all talk about others, be it good or bad, we all do it. We say simple things like “He is such a….” or “They are so….” Fill in the blanks with what ever comment you like, but we all do it.


It’s not a good thing for us to do, it can hurt others, even when you do not mean it to, and it’s a hard habit to break, but it’s one we can break if we wish.


Gossip and idol talk are part of our daily conversations, so much so, that I would venture to guess that most of us are not aware we are doing it, it’s always something that others do, not us. But I am sure if we stop and examine ourselves we will see that we to add to the world of gossip.


If gossip was not so much a part of our lives, all the rag magazines would not sell millions of copies weekly. All the celebrity watching TV shows would fail and we would really look down upon people who do gossip. But as it is, we celebrate it, and feed in to it.


How can we change the culture of gossip, one person at a time, starting with ourselves! We need to check our words prior to speaking. We need to concern ourselves with how others will be affected. We need to stop and thing about what we are doing and saying, but all too often we are caught in the moment, with the running of the conversation or our emotions get in the way.


But if you make an effort you can achieve the goal, you just have to try and keep trying. The next time someone starts to talk about others, stop them and ask them not to, the next time you start, stop yourself and apologize for speaking badly of others.


Always remember that the word can kill more then the sword, our words have the ability to leave life long scares or they have the power to lift someone up, how we use them can make all the difference in the world, it can make or break someone’s will.


Words are powerful and gossip is nothing but a weapon we use to bring others down and ourselves up.


The golden rule applies here, “Do unto others as you would have done unto you” always remember words can take life or they can give life, the choice is yours.




p.s. This is a rule that I also must work on, and always remember also, so together we can start to change the world, starting with ourselves.

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Take each day as it comes to you… That little bit of advice can take you a long way in life. Each and everyday offers you something new and different, sometimes its exciting, sometimes not, it can be new or it can be the same old stuff, but each day is new, each day is exciting… If you allow it to be…


We all can look at life and see the negative side of it, we can all see the sameness of each day, see the madness of it or we can choose to see the newness of it, the joy of it. We are created of free will, the freedom to choose how we see each day.


I have heard stories of people in concentration camps who chose to see the glory in each day they where still alive, they made a conscious decision to acknowledge the bad, but to live out the good. They where surrounded by death and evil, they saw no good from there captures they expereanced no love nor joy, but chose to live life filled with joy, hope and love.


We all have hardships in life, we all have days of despair, moments of anguish, and we are all allowed to acknowledge them, in fact we have an obligation to do so, to allow the feelings to be felt, but we also have an obligation to choose how we live our life.


We can choose to live life in despair or to live life is joy. Each and every day is new, and with it comes new opportunities to live our life, to choose to celebrate the gift of life, and an opportunity to show others how to live their life.


History is filled with individuated who’s lives where filled with nothing but despair and hardship, but they chose not to live life out that way, but rather they chose to live the life they dreamed of, the one they wished for and prayed to God for. They chose to live a live of possibilities, of joy and wonder.


We have the choice, we have the ability all we need to do is take the steps, perform the action, live is yours for the making, and each day offers you a new chance to take it!



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We all have dreams, dreams of what we want from life, dreams of who we want to be and dreams of where we want to go. I have them, you have them we all have them, that’s not the issue, the issue is what we do with them.


Do we live them out, or do we tuck them away? Do we share them or do we hide them from others?


Dreams are our windows in to our souls, they allow us to see what is inside us, what makes us tick, they bring our inner person in to the reality of the now, but only if we allow the dreams to see the light of day. All too often we hide them, not wanting anyone to see them, including ourselves.


We allow our dreams to become moldy, and musty, we allow the colors to fade from them and allow them to become brittle.


We need to learn to feed our dreams, allow them to shine for all to see, work on them and allow them to work on us. Dreams are our windows to our souls, but they are also our windows to our future, we dream of what may come, we dream of what the world can be like.


So allow your dreams to see the light of day, display them like a painting shine your light on them and allow them to shine there light on you.



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Life lessens learned…


This statement should follow everything we do, we are always in a passion to learn from what we have done, be it a successes or a failure.


Our minds have the ability to grow, to never stop learning, but all too often we do not take advantage of that. We allow ourselves to fall in to comfortable places, to be satisfied with what we have, and do not push ourselves to learn all we can.


Learning to takes time and energy, and we do not seem to want to use up out time to learn, all too often we have very little energy to spare. But it is an essential part of life; we are created to learn, created to grow. We become restless when we are idol, when we stagnate to lone we yearn for change, for movement for growth.


Life is one big lesson, if we allow it to be, we have to see each moment as an opportunity to grow, to learn to become a better person. It matters not if the moment was good or bad, what matters is what we take from that moment, what we learn from it.


Use each moment as a life lesson, grow from it, and become the person you are created to be. Do not stand still, but always walk through life, allowing each moment to further your growth, allowing each second to be an opportunity to learn.


Life is an adventure, life is an opportunity to grow, allow it to happen, and see what becomes of you.



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