Archive for June 26th, 2008

Yes & No

Can we really help someone change….????


Yes and No


Yes, we can we can help by offering our support, or understanding and our gifts. We can help by sometimes just being there, or by encouraging them on their way. By showing them how to remove the road blocks or offering a detour around certain road blocks. We can help by being a true and honest friend; one who states the truth even when we know it will hurt or offend the other. We can help by listening to the pain, but not by removing it or taking away from it, but rather by accepting it, and helping them to do the same.


No, we can not help by doing it for them or by allowing their pain to over ride our understanding or compassion. No we can not help by offering to do the work for then, or by offering easer roads to walk, or sheltering them from the pain that must be felt, we can not help by lying to them, or underplaying the truth or facts. No we can not help them by feeding in to their cover-ups and self deceptions. No we can not help them by allowing them to do it all on there own.


It is often a very thin line between helping and doing. We often see it in parents who want their child to excel; they offer their help by doing the work. Or we see the parent who wants the child to be self-reliant, so they are completely hands off, neither option is best, but rather it is some where in the middle, we offer to guide and to nudge but not to take over and do.


The same is said for helping a friend through difficult times, all to often we revert to our nature to either do it all or to do nothing, because the thin line is often to hard to walk. We get frustrated and often times it’s just easier for us to do it. Once again we see this in parenting, we ask our child to so this or that, but often times we end up doing it, because its just easer, they don’t do it right, or it take them to long, or I would have to explain it anyway, so I might as well just do it.


I know I have done that in the past, and sometime still do, but I try hard to not allow myself to do that, if I do, how will they ever learn? The same is said for helping a friend through a change, the same can be said for a lot of life. Often times we need to learn how to do or not do something, to learn it by doing it.


I see this in the classes I teach and in my youth ministry, often times when I am dealing with an adult who likes to do, rather the teach, I have to spend time teaching them just how to let go, and when I am dealing with a youth who is use to having every task done for them, I spend time teaching them how to do, how to accept the task.


Life is full if lessons, but no lesson is learned if you never do the lesson.


So YES you can help a friend through a change, and NO you can not help them… Once again it’s a life lesson, that the helper must learn and they are helping their friend….


Life is hard, and full of lessons, and I for one say thanks God! Because if it was not, what would we do?



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