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Archive for March 27th, 2009

Projection

Yesterday was a day off for me, I had personal stuff to take care of, so I decided that I would also take a day off from writing my blogs. In truth, I really didn’t have much to say. But today is a new day so I thought I would give it a try.

People tend to project there feelings or wants on to others, sometimes it is very obvious and other times its just little things. I could be there likes and dislikes, or political views. Projectors look for people whom they can project on to, someone to live there life for them. Most often times it is the negative aspects of themselves they project. The thoughts and emotions they want to feel or do feel but want others to feel the same, all to make them selves feel safer.

In some ways we all are projectors, we all want others to be like us, to feel as we do, it makes the emotion safer more real to us. But some seem to take this to extremes, they project every aspect of themselves on others all in an attempt to gain acceptance or to gain the upper hand.

I currently am dealing with this, I currently am the screen on to witch someone is projecting there hopes and fears. The problem, for me, is that I have stated my feelings and my expectations concerning this issue to this person, yet they seem to not hear what I am saying, they twist and turn it in to what they need it to be, to make it fit in to there projection.

It is a sad state when someone’s true feelings and emotions are negated by the other when your own outlook is masked all to help them feel good about themselves.

The problem, for me is, how do I deal with this? We have talked, the projector and I, concerning this issue, and to my face they agree with me, they accept what I state as my feelings but to others they project there feelings as mine.

If I confront this person concerning this issue, they will, like they have in the past, denial is the mode of operation. It is a frustration, one that I am not sure how to end.

Insecurities are part of everyone’s life, and anyone who says its not is lying and very insecure. the trick to insecurity is to turn it in to positive energy, to use that energy to accomplish the task at hand.  Yet some take that insecurity and project it on to others, turning it in to, what they consider, the great equalizer. I, like the rest of the world, am insecure. I have my comfort zones and my routines’ that keep me safe. But every so often I choose to step outside my comfort, I choose to shack it up a bit. I too want to be liked, but I am also realistic, and understand that not everyone will like me, in fact I figure that most will not, but I still put my self out there for others. My projections are mostly of the positive type, I have a basic trust in people, I feel that humanity is good, and most of us in humanity are the same. Like a negative projection, this too can cause issues.

I seem to place trust in those who do not deserve it, or who take advantage of it. I error on the side of good, and will always think the best of others before myself. Others seem to do just the opposite they will think negative of humanity and others before they think negative of them selves. I feel that these two types are basically the same, I must prefer the positive projection to the negative, but it’s easy to see where either are coming from. Its this this class that I feel is the most dangerous, its the negative person who projects negativeness, the ones who don’t put themselves or others first, the ones who have no faith in humanity, they are the ones to fear. They do not even know they are who they are, because they place no value in others or themselves, they do no see the harm they cause, nor do they care to see it. Often times they also see themselves as a good force in nature, they live a lie to survive. It is this type that I am dealing with and I am at a loss as to what to do. I have tried different approaches, from telling it like it is, to back door psychology. Nothing seems to work. The friendship, as it is, is on the ruff road to ending, and that in its own way is sad, but life happens and things change, we all must grow and sometimes that means ending friendships and sometimes it means fixing them, only time will tell.

If you have nay ideas, please let me know…

Paul

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