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Archive for the ‘family’ Category

Why do you join a gym?

Or attend Weight Watchers?

Why do people goto support groups?

All for the same reason, having someone, something or others interested in you and your goals helps to motivate you. Well what does one do that wants that for the whole life process? They see a Life Coach

What is a Life Coach, they are your personal motivation…

Want to know more about it:

Guided Insight Life Coach

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waldo The next few weeks or months are going to be a time filled with great joy and sorrow. The joy comes from celebrating the graduation of my nephew from high school. He has lived with me for the past three years and I have seen him grow into a fine young man. Truth be told he is not my blood nephew but rather one that was created because of the love we have for each other. He is from Cameroon Africa and has been in America only four years, three of witch he has lived with me. So when I say I have seen him struggle and grow, I mean it. He spoke no English when he arrived and was thrown in to high school with the expectations of knowing all that was taught the past 8 years of American schooling. And when I say grow, well I also meaning both in his education and his size. Coming from a poor part of Cameroon he was a small child, but he made up for it fast! He ate like there might not be food the next day, because that was what he knew. It was an amazing time and still is, for him and for me. I have gained so much from the experience that i feel that I owe him a thanks. The is the joy I will experience over the next few months. The sorrow that will come is one that I am truly not looking forward to

My best friends name is Waldo, we have been friends for over 15 years, and have spent everyday together. Waldo is my dog but more importantly he is family. Waldo is a terrier mix, basically a mutt, he is a medium sized dog, about 55 pounds. So for his size he is old. Based on dog years he is about 100 years old, give or take. Up-until about two or three weeks ago he was basically healthy. I did have a scare about 18 months ago where I had to rush him into the vets for issues with his balance, it turned out to be an ear infection, but it still scarred me. The thought of no longer being part of my daily life is a thought that I do not cherish. But it is one I have to come to, his time is running out.

Last week I had to once again rush him to the vet. I arrived home about 9:30 one night to find Waldo spread eagle on the floor unable to stand or walk. He is now of a few meds and basically can walk. He has issues on slippery floors but on carpet he is mostly ok. I have hard wood floors through out the whole house with areas of rugs. So he has issues, I do what I can, I have placed rugs by his food and water and we, my nephew and I watch over him. But each day he seems to have new issues with his ability to stand or walk. Over all he is otherwise healthy, but old. This morning I was reminded of his issues, not that I have forgotten. When I woke up I gave him his breakfast and him meds that I mix in to his food with gravy or applesauce. Why he was eating I went to save and shower and get ready for work when I heard him crying. I found him spread eagle on the floor. The cry was one not of pain but more one of confusion and scared. It was a sound I never want to hear again, it was a sound of total desperation. When I ran to him He was looking at me for help and understanding and I at him with a look of fright and love. The thought of his passing is one that haunts my dreams and my waking hours.

This is the sadness that I will have to deal with over the next few weeks and months. Not to long-ago I lost my other dog, George, a few moths back. February 12 of 2010 George drowned in my back yard pond. And the memory is still vivid in my mind. The loss of a pet to some is nothing more than a loss of a pet, but to me it is a loss of a family member. George was eight years old when he drowned, so for eight years he depended on me and the feeling of failing him was over bearing. Waldo is 16 or 17 and has depended on me for 15 years. I saved him from the humane society days before he was to be put down. And in a way I have that feeling of letting him down because I can not protect him nor save him from what is to come.

I have loss both of my parents and a 23 year old nephew, so I know the pain of loss of loved ones. I would place the loss I feel for George to be on par as to the loss of my loved ones. The loss of Waldo will be felt deep within my heart and soul and my world will change forever just like it did with the loss of my father and than years latter my mother. The loss of any loved one is devastating at best. With the loss of my parents I have learned to celebrate the lives rather than morn the death. Yes I felt a profound emptiness and a deep sorrow that rocked my world. I cried and questioned God as to why He would take my parents at such a young age, but ultimate I celebrated the life they lived. I thanked God for the time we did have together and prayed for there souls. The same can be said for George, I cried and questioned and I cursed the pond that took his life. But in the end I thanked God for George and the happiness he brought to my life. I look at my pond with memories of George and how he loved to swim in it, chase the fish and turtles.

Waldo has and continues to bring me great joy. His personality is truly his and his love and devotion to me and the rest of my family is amazing. The joy he has brought into my life are too numerous to count and the idea of him no longer being their is to hard to phantom.

I know that God is with me, and that He will help me through the next few months of uncertainty. I also know that one day soon Waldo will no longer be waiting for me at the fence when I arrive home, he will no longer bark and anything that happens to pass by and he will no longer be at my side. God willing he will pass in his sleep with no pain, God willing I will be there for him when he needs me the most. And God willing I will be able to comfort him in his time of need.

The joy that my family and friends, including Waldo and George, have given me over the years have helped to create the person I am. With the passing of ones that are close to me I experience a great conversion of faith. I feel the hands of God upon my shoulders providing me the strength and comfort I need. I know the same will be true when Waldo is taken home. This knowledge does not make his passing any less painful, but it does help in the healing process. In Gods ultimate wisdom He knows the big plan for my life, and how each person and pet fits in to it. As for me, I am along for the ride, living my life to the best of my ability, taking each person and pet that comes into my life as a blessing knowing that one day, sooner or latter, they will be taken home. Some before me and others long after I have gone. It is a privilege for me to have had the past 15 years with Waldo, I feel honored to have taken care of him and to have him depend on me as much as I have depended on him.

The joys of sorrows of life are the ebb and flow of our existence, and it truly is a blessing to be experienced. The goodbyes are always hard but necessary, for every time there is a session, a session for joy and a session for sorrow. Soon I will be experiencing two passing’s, on of joy and one of sorrow, a graduation and a death, life is full of opposing forces.

Please pray for both my nephew and Waldo, that they may both my be blessed as they both experience a life changing event, one in to adulthood and one into the next world.

God Bless

Paul

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{{ru|Зефир и Гиацинт, Аттический сосуд из Тарк...

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The scandal of the Church has been on the front pages of the papers and lead stories on the nightly news. Over all this is a good thing, the Church needs to deal with this scandal. But what confuses me is the pure joy they, meaning the media, seem to get from all this. The catholic priest who molested young boys need help and prayers for sure, the bishops who allowed this to carry on and moved them from parish to parish need to be reprimanded, they need to step down. But why al the joy in the media?

It is good that the media is investigating the scandal, or should I say it would be good if they were investigating the scandal fairly.  But that is not the case, they are on a witch hunt and they are willing to take down the innocent as well as the guilty, and at the same time look the other way when it comes to our school systems or other faiths. This to me is a misuse of power and an injustice to children.

The current scandal in the Church is a scandal from twenty or thirty or more years ago, by no means lessening the travesty of it all, the over all population of priest involved is 2% at most. Once again not taking anything away from the harm caused, 2% is way to much, .0001% is to much, but over all 2% of our priest is not a large number.

Such figures led her to contend "the physical sexual abuse of students in schools is likely more than 100 times the abuse by priests." (Source)

Family members — fathers, stepfathers, uncles, older siblings — commit 47% of all reported sexual assaults against children in their own homes.

49% of all sexual assaults against children are committed by persons known either by the child or the child’s family — teachers, coaches, physicians, ministers, priests,  neighbors, youth leaders. (Source)

I am not using the statistics to take the spot light off of the Catholic Church, but rather to point it also on public education and other areas of concern.

Over all the reporting on the scandal in the Church has been a scandal unto itself. And with the current wave of anti-Catholic feelings I expect it will continue for sometime to come. But we as Catholics can do something about we can fight back, promote the positive aspects of the Church, the good She does for youth and the community She resides in. We can also point out, in letters to the editors, the injustice of the persecution of the Church over our public schools.

In a way the abuse at the public schools is an even greater evil than the priest. We have no choice but to send our youth to school, and we allow teachers to have full access to our youth 8 hour per day, five days a week. And if they are involved in sports, we also allow them to change in front of grown adults. We, in some ways are asking for it,

The scandal involving the priest is sickening at best, but we hold some of that responsibility ourselves. We places the parish priest upon pedestals and made them gods in there own rights, we allowed our children to spend the night at the rectory or to go on trips with them. Sure some parents were good friends with the priest, and as the statistics above state 49% of abuse is by someone they know and trust. But do we have to allow the percentage to go up? Do we have to feed in to it?

The problem of abuse is a social problem and it is not a new problem, it is as old as time (article). The Greek society is full of stories of young boys and me, by no means justifying the actions, just pointing out the reality. The issue is social. Contrary to popular belief most people who sexually abuse youth are not gay. As stated above they are mostly family members or close family friends. 

[M]ost men who molest little boys are not gay.  Only 21 percent of the child molesters we studied who assault little boys were exclusively homosexual.  Nearly 80 percent of the men who molested little boys were heterosexual or bisexual, and most of these men were married and had children of their own.27

These scientists have concluded that pedophilia is a separate orientation from homosexuality and that the vast majority of molesters who target boys have either no interest in mature males or are heterosexual men who are attracted to the feminine characteristics of young boys.(source)

Homosexuality and homosexual pedophilia are not synonymous.  In fact, it may be that these two orientations are mutually exclusive, the reason being that the homosexual male is sexually attracted to masculine qualities whereas the heterosexual male is sexually attracted to feminine characteristics, and the sexually immature child’s qualities are more feminine than masculine. . . . The child offender who is attracted to and engaged in adult sexual relationships is heterosexual.  It appears, therefore, that the adult heterosexual male constitutes a greater sexual risk to underage children than does the adult homosexual male.19 .(source)

My over all point to this blog, we need to look at facts and we need to understand what we are dealing with. Sexual abuse of children is not a “Catholic” thing, nor is it a “gay” thing, it is a society thing and one that needs to be understood. The media is not doing its job, rather it is conduction a man hunt, if you will, on Catholics.

As Catholics we need to educate ourselves so we can better defend the Church in these times of turmoil. We need to know facts so we are not just shooting from the hip but rather using facts to fight our cause.  God willing the Church will survive and come out stringer when this persecution is over.

God Bless

Paul

Confronting Power and Sex in the Catholic Church
Galatians 2:20“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

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Broken?

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The family dynamic is a very complex thing, it offers great joy and great sorrow. People have write songs and preformed plays concerning the family. Most TV shows are based on the family dynamic and certainly we have read many many books on the topic.

My family is no different, we have dynamics. We have out moments of great joy and great sorrows, and often times the co-exist. But at times one will override the other, the great sorrow of the loss of a parent or child will trump the great joy, becoming the dominate dynamic. Yet other times they seem to mingle and and the line between the joy and sorrow becomes fuzzy at best.

This gray area of the family dynamic seems to me to be the area were it sits the most. We seem to exist in a void of high and lows and allow ourselves to tread lightly on the soil of betweenness. Nothing wrong with that, for the most part. The great joys and great sorrows can be extremely taxing on ourselves and the over all dynamic of the family.

This is were I find myself, I am currently walking in the land of betweenness.

I feel no great joy or sadness within the dynamics of my family. Currently I am having “issues” with most of my family members. Not a good place to be… Some of the “issues” are of my doing and some are not, as is the case with most family dynamics. But what is different now is that I do not feel and great emotion over this riff. This saddens me in a way, but in other ways it does not. I am at a point in my life were the fight is not something I want to do. The battle field seems a long walk and I am not up to the walk to the battle field, nor the battle itself.

This fact bothers me, why am I willing to let the battle defeat me with out even a fight? Why am I willing to allow the dynamics of the family triumph over me? Family Dynamics are a powerful adversary to have.

To me, it seems that I have been beaten up for way to long, that I have allowed the family dynamics to control me and now I am just tired of it. I no longer want to be beaten up or controlled. I have bent to the will of others to keep the dynamic in a joyful mode and in doing so place myself in a field of regrets. I no longer want to walk in that field. I now want to walk in a field that I choose, be it joyful or not, it is my choice.

I am sure the family dynamic will mend itself, one day, but I do no that it will not be the same as it was. Each of us have changed and that change will affect the overall dynamic. The new family dynamic will still be filled with great joys and great sorrows but they will be defined a little differently now.

Paul

 

Complex Dynamics: Families and Friends
We are never deceived; we deceive ourselves.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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