Posts Tagged ‘adolesent’





Something we all seek, something we all have and lack at the same time. The concept is powerful and the word itself can strike fear in people. CONTROL…

People have killed for it, and died because of it. Wars have been waged because of it, and battles lost because of lack of it.


To be granted control, means to have great responsibility, to take control, means to remove responsibility for others, Slight difference, but a major point.  To freely give or forcefully take control determents the type of control you have. And defines the type of person you are.


We all want to control something’s, such as our day, our jobs our lives. And in-of-its self that’s not a bad thing. To have control over your self is good, in fact needed to survive; it’s when we allow our need to control to spills over in to our daily dealing with others; It when the need to control, starts to control our actions with others.


To understand control a little better let’s look at simple examples of control, and the positive or negative effects of it.

To control the actions of your small child:

 (No! Don’t touch that it’s hot) is positive control, a control that is expected and needed. It is a control that teaches and protects the ones who cannot teach nor protect themselves.

(I don’t want to tell them what to do, I want them to learn for themselves) is a negative control, a control that is underling, one that is in the shadows of allowing them to do as they wish. This control, a passive control is damaging and dangerous, it removes any direct responsibility from you and the ones you are to protect.

To control an adolescent:

(No! Don’t touch that it’s hot) is a negative control, you are removing the adolescent’s ability to learn from their own actions, you are. You are removing the responsibility from the adolescent and placing it on to you. Creating a dependent situation that places the adolescent in a negative situation, one where they are automatically at a disadvantage.

(I don’t want to tell them what to do, I want them to learn for themselves) is a positive control, one that places you in a passive roll, one that allows the adolescent to learn and grow based on their own actions, and not actions placed on them. This form of control, allows the parent (in this example) to influence from afar, giving advice but ultimately allowing the youth to decide for themselves.


NOTE: Please understand that I understand that in each example there are always exceptions. And yes sometimes you have to remove control from one and take it on yourself, based on situations at hand. The examples above are only examples, nothing more, and nothing less.

I used the example of youth, children only because I find the examples easier to conceptualize, but the same basic principals applies to adults, at times we need to say, HOT! Don’t touch and at times we need to say, go ahead and burn yourself.

The type of control we apply or don’t apply effects outcomes of the situations we are in, sometimes no control is exactly the type of control we need for a given situation.

The hard part, for controlling people, like me, is to know when to back off and when not to. The same can be said for non controlling people, they need to learn when to apply control and when not to. Take the TV show, Supper Nanny, a perfect example of parent s that need to know when to apply active control, as opposed to passive control. The idea that a child controls the adult is wild at best and sickening at its worst.

So today, decide to take control of life, of yourself and situations around you, but remember that sometimes taking control means handing it over to others, releasing it from yourself.


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