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Posts Tagged ‘breath’

Life comes at you sometimes a little fast, that’s is how I have been feeling as of late. Like life is on the fast track, and well as for me, I am sort of just sitting on the sidelines.

I use to have a sires of dreams about being chased, but the problem was I forgot how to run, no matter how hard I tried or what I did, I could not run. I completely forgot how to run.

The feeling I had, in this dream, was a feeling of total loss of control and deep despair. I would wake from this dream feeling lost and confused. Life was coming at me to fast and I could do nothing about it.

Well that’s the feeling I have at the moment, life is coming and I am unable to run after it, to keep up with it or do anything about it. It’s a hard feeling to truly put in to words. I’m not depressed, nor am I over worked, sure I have a few things going on in my life, but nothing more than what I have a year ago. It’s just like I have forgotten how to live this life, like I have lost my way and I am having a hard time finding my way back.

It’s a strange feeling, it’s in the pit of my stomach and in the center of my mind, i cope and deal with the daily life issues that come up, I am at work everyday, and for the most part and happy with all that I have and with who I am. Sure I have issues, money concerns, job concerns family issues, but really no more that anyone else, and in some ways less than others.

Forgetting how to run is truly what this is all about. I have forgotten what is important, I have forgotten how to run…

Anyone who is a runner will know that you must run properly or you will injure yourself, that is true for any activity such as running, swimming or playing baseball. The proper stance or stroke is needed for you may throw out your arm, or rotate you cup the wrong way, wearing it out. Well the same is true for living your life. You have to know the proper stance in life, you have to understand when you are wearing out your life from to much wrong usage. I feel that is were I am at, that my excess weight is starting to wear on me, that my mind is drifting away from the truth of life and that I need to relearn how to live this life, to save myself from injury. Plane and simple, I need to learn how to run…

In my dream I never seemed to get away from what ever was chasing me, it never got closer, but it never faded away. The harder I tried the more I failed. I would wake in soaked and out of breath with the dreaded feeling that if I turned around I would see my advisory directly behind me. This dream would last for weeks sometimes, leaving me mentally drained and emotionally on edge.

The good news of all this is sooner or later I would remember how to run, and I would out run my pursuer, and life would return to a more normal ebb and flow. Currently I am waiting for that feeling, the feeling of running once again, it will return of this I have no doubt. There is a life lesson in all this, I am sure, there always is. And if I allow it, that life lesson could change my life for ever… But first I must learn to run… again…

Paul

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It seems I have gone blog crazy, I have 3 blogs going now, this one, You can be new, and two others, STATIC Youth and Faith and Life. The Faith and Life blog is the latest blog I have started. Each blog had a purpose, each one helps me examine a different part of my make up.

Each blog represents a side of me that I feel in need to dive in to a little bit more deeply, but at times all 3 cross over each other. For example my new blog, Faith and Life is the more political side of me. But readers of this blog or my STATIC Youth blog will know that I have made political statements here. Were-as this blog, You can be new, is more of a blog for my self-help look deep with in you side of me, but that has also spilled over in to my STATIC Youth blog and I am sure it will slip in to my new Faith and Life blog before long also. The STATIC Youth blog is my Catholic faith blog, allowing me to share my faith with the world, but as you know my Catholic faith has entered in to discussions here and it is part of my Faith and Life blog also.

I say all this not to just shamelessly promote my 3 blog, but to illustrate a point. We are made up of different part, but each part is not separate from each other. I have three interest that truly define me, my faith, my need to help others and my political values, each is unique but each is also me. I would not be the same person I am today if anyone of them were not part of my being.

Our DNA defines us, our eye color, hair and body shape, our parents mold us into good little people, teaching us moral and our faith and society leans onus to conform to the norms of the times. But in the end it is us who truly defines us, we choose to follow our parents lead or if we will bend in to social norms, it is us, our individuality, that creates new possibilities for ourselves.

All three parts of me, represented by my blogs, help to shape me, guide me and in some ways define me, but only if I allow them to. My parents help create them, my faith help shaped them and the social/economics of society help bend them in to what we see today. But ultimately I allowed them to.

How can I say this, what proof do I have that in the end it is my choice. I have 4 case studies, my brothers and sisters, all raised by the same two parents, all raised with in the same faith and similar social/economics as me, each of us are different, we each chose how we would allow each force mold us.

So yes I am at times divide between my Faith, political and self reliance sides of me. Sometimes what I write in one blog may seem like it is in opposition to what I wrote in another blog. But in truth it can not be in opposition with anything else I write, it is just taken out of context. When I write purely for one blog, not allowing my other 2 sides to enter in to the conversation I create a conflict of sorts. This conflict is internal, wanting to establish the links between all three major forces in my life. This is a choice I make, not allowing the overflow of the other two in to what I am writing. I want to allow myself the freedom to dive into the topic unhindered by my own confines, to allow the organic growth of the thought, and than at a latter time see how it fits in to my over all person. No conflict, only growth.

So please if you get a chance check out my other two blogs, let me know what you think, and tell your friends to give me a read, who knows maybe someone somewhere will like what I wrote, they may even think I am smart. But I am not holding my breath for that, I don’t write for others, but for myself.

Paul

STATIC Youth  —  Faith and Life

 

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