Posts Tagged ‘Control’

Are you like “Old Man River”? Do you believe in just floating along life’s water ways, allowing the current to carry you and the banks of the river to guide you?

Often we think that would be a good way to live, to just sit back and allow life to do its thing, and in truth, sometimes that is ok, sometimes the right thing to do is just that, nothing. But most of the time the “Old Man River” way of life is not what we need to be doing; sometimes the current of life is leading us in the wrong direction, carrying us in to troubled waters and grounding us on troublesome shores.

We need to navigate our ride down life’s river; we sometimes need to use the paddles we have made out of our hard work of change. Life will often toss us in to a raging river of turmoil and try to divert our destination, try to lead us in to the rocks of daily life. It is at times like this that we must learn to command “Old Man River” and tame it.

We are not just passengers on the boat of life, we are its captain, we command our destiny and we ride the rapids with determination and triumph over his waves, “Old Man River” is ours to command!

So when you get in to the boat today, stop to remind yourself that you are the captain of this ship, that you hold the utter and you will steer her will you will her to go. Your ship is under your command, and no one will take the helm from you unless you allow it. Her movements are at your hand and her destination is in your control.

“Old Man River” will not control you today, you will not allow it, and he is following your guidance and allowing you to pass over him in comfort and ease. “Old Man River” is tamed at least for today. As for tomorrow, well you’re the Captain of your ship, how will you steer her when the sun awakes is up to you…


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The power of a list, we make list for everything

·         Shopping

·         House work

·         Honey do

·         Need to get

And so on, you get the idea, we make list to help us organize our days. People have become millionaires just by teaching us how to make and follow our lists. Think about that for a second, people make millions teaching us how to organize our lives, to list in out and to follow it. What a concept.

I have told you in different blog postings to make list, to organize your life your thoughts and your dreams, to list them and organize them and then to execute them.

List work, it’s that simple. The list provide us with a non-cluttered view of our day, work, life, whatever the list if for. It gives us a direction to follow, top down, and a sense of completion when we cross it off as done.

List allows us the freedom to complete a task and move on to a new task; they allow us the freedom of celebrating small victories in our daily grind. With a list in hand, we seem to have power, control over our own lives. We list everything, sometimes we even make list of list.

What is the hidden power of a list, why do we love them so? I can only speculate but I would have to say that the power of the list is the fact that list are linear, they flow down, they are clean and crisp. Our human nature looks for order in life and in nature. We are drawn to crisp clean lines, and unobstructed views. Lists provide that for us. They are our way of making our day crisp and clean, our way of making a straight line out of all the twist and turns our life brings us.

Some people create calendars or plan every second of their day. Everything must be on the list, or calendar or it’s not done. The day must be planned; they must have every second penned in, no pencils that indicated uncertainty, a chance that things may change. Other pencil in only a few items, leaving the rest of the day to chance, allowing for the ebb and flow of life.

Lists… Good or Bad?

Yes to both, a list can be good and it can be bad. Depending on how the list is used, and more importantly how the person using the list reacts to it. If the list becomes the end all and do all to their lives, that that list is a very unhealthy thing. The list should not control you but you should control it. Now remember I am a strong believer in list. I recommend them, but not as a control factor, but as a way to help you prioritize or view your life. A list should never be considered the master of your life.

So keep making list, allow them to help guide you, but never allow them to control you. Remember the list was created by you, so you have the ability to change it as needed.

Lists are our friends, as long as they remember their place in your life.


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Can one be strong and weak at the same time? Can a person be over bearing and shy? Do we have the ability to be more than one self? Can we be many persons in one person?

Before I give you response, let me start off by saying I know people who act in such a way. They are a different person depending on who they are dealing with. Sometimes they are nice and understanding and other times they can be cold and harsh. It all depends on what is in it for them. The personality changes to benefit them and to please others around them. They may be shy if that is called for or strong if they see a chance to move in.

But are they truly two different personalities? Can one person really have 2 sides? I say no, is only one personality at play here. It is one of manipulation and control. It is a personality that centers on the self. It is one controlled by the EGO.

Now before everyone starts to yell at me, yes I do understand that we all act differently in different situations. We do what is necessary and called for at that particular time. That is not what I am talking about.

People know me; they know who I am and what I am like. When I meet people for the first time, they get an idea of whom and what I am. So if, for example, I meet someone for the first time at Church, they will see a more subdued me, but still me. So if that person sees me outside of Church they will not be shocked at what I am saying or doing. They understand me. The people above that I am referring to are not like this, they act in ways that are not true to themselves, they are manipulating the situation to cast the best light on themselves or to gather what they need. If the same person were to see them outside of the situation where they met they would not recognize them as who they knew.

We all know people like this, they feed off of others, they place the world and the entire universe around them, and they are the center. I have worked with them; they are in my family and are in my circle of friends. It is a frustrating relationship to have; the closer you are to them, the more you notice the many in the one. And the more you are expected to know who is who and when they will appear. Because once again, they are the center, you just revolve around them.

Their EGO’s are huge, and acts as there gravity force, keeping all inline and revolving around them, and any person that falls out of line, no longer revolves around them are sent off in too deep space or made to crash. That is until they decide they are needed once again.

So how do we deal with this, what are we to do with such a person? It has taken me years of learning to discover the answer to that question. I have read many books and as I have stated, I know many people who fit in to this, so my life experiences has taught me a lot, but I am a slow learner, and it has taken me many years to finally understand all that I have learned. So what is one to do with a situation like this, they are to leave it, get out of its gravitational pull.

Yep it’s that simple… Sort of…

I know that it’s not easy to leave a friendship or family member behind, but if you truly wish to make a better you, the key to a new you is to dust off all that is unhealthy for you. To leave behind anything that will pull you back. Read Dr. Wayne Dyer’s “The Power of Intention” to get a deeper understanding or even the Bible, Jesus himself walks away from unhealthiness. We must surround ourselves with positive energy, not and Egocentric energy, we must align with people and things that will make us better humans, more capable of creating change not only in ourselves but in the world around us.


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Don’t stand in someone else’s shadow when it’s your sunlight that should lead the way.


I found this statement at http://www.indianchild.com/thoughts_for_life.htm and I found it to such a simple and true statement that I wanted to share it with you. We all shine, we all have the light in us, we just need to learn how to let it shine. But the question is how do we do that. How do allow our light to shine when we are unsure of ourselves, when we see ourselves as nothing important, nothing worth sharing no value in what we offer?

This is the question that needs to be answered; this one question alone will change your world, when you find the answer.

So how do you find the answer, where do you look? You may not like the response I give, but I feel it is the truth. The first place you look is to God, it is in God that we will find the answer for the question “What was I created for, what purpose do I serve in this world” the second part of the equation is “How do I do what is expected of me” and for that answer you must look inside of yourself. 

Both questions and both answers are hard to hear, each involves trust, the first question involves trust in something greater then self, and the second involves trust in self.

We don’t like to give up control over ourselves, and to give ourselves to God, to place trust in Him is hard to do, in involves great faith and trust. Yet I fell that that is the main reason you must. We need to learn to have faith is what we do not see, we need to learn to except that we are not in control of our lives, that there is a greater power that allows us to decide, but ultimately God has the power.

Through prayer and meditation, we can learn to let go and allow God to work through us, allowing His graces to fill us and to flow from us, allowing His light to shine for all to see.

This is the first part of the process, accepting that there is something larger then you, something greater then you out there.

The second part is seeing in yourself the value of you. Seeing that God has not created junk, but rather each of us is a unique art work, in progress. That each of us offers the world something that no one else can offer and without it the world is not complete. That we along with the rest of the world paint a complete picture, one of love, a picture that would not be whole without our own unique brush strokes.

We need to stand tall for who we are, let the light shine for all to see, and to bask in the sunlight that is our uniqueness.

Once again, hard to do, lots of work and trust in God and self, but it can be done. Pray and meditate on it, allow the Holy Spirit to work with you and through you and you will see a change.


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Sorry for the delay in a new post. I have a co-working in from Germany all last week, so my time was not mine.

That seems to happen to all of us, our time is not our own, and sometimes we allow it to shape our days, Like I did last week. I am sure I could have found away to blog, even if it was a short blog. But I chose to allow my visitor to control my time.

I allowed outside forces shape my week. Sure sometimes we have to allow for outside forces to add new bends and curves to our daily life, but to totally shape it? I don’t think so! I used that as an excuse not to do what I needed to do. At work and in my personal life, I used the visit of a co-worker as an out.

Sometimes I think we look for reasons to not do what we are expected to do, we find any small reason. We do it in all aspects of our life.

·         It’s too cold out

·         It’s too hot out

·         I’m too old

·         I’m too young

·         The moon is in the wrong phase

And so on… We are all good at creating situations that feed in to out wants but not our needs. All to often we find reasons not to feed our needs, but allow our wants to fest on excuses.

This whole blog is about not allowing that to happen, yet even the poster of this blog allows it to happen, even I fall to the very natural state of feeding my wants over my needs.

Why do we allow this?  In a word it’s easy, feeding our needs takes work, lots of it and its hard work. Why would this be, why cant feeding our needs be as easy as feeding our wants? Much like feeding our body, it is easy to eat a bag of chips, its satisfying and cheep. But to each all the right foods, well that takes time and more money, and an often time does not satisfy the wants of the body.

I am a perfect example of that, when I am sick, or do not feel good, I crave salt and sweets, so I eat chips and chocolate. Not exactly what my body needs, but it is what I want. And man it taste sooooo good and makes me soooo happy. I know for a fact that if I ate healthy foods, I would recover quicker and be better off, but my craving will not subside, it takes over, and I allow it to happen.

So I give in, not only to the bag of chips, but also to the mental break my co-worker allowed me, even though I know that writing my blog is a need and not a want. I need to write for several reasons, but mostly to allow me the ability to process my own life, and the direction its taking. So, by allowing the distraction of life the ability to shape and control my week, I allowed outside forces take over, even if only for a few day, I allowed myself to be set back, creating a deficit I must now over come. I created the situation I am currently in. I must know work hard to play catch up, but this is the path I chose to walk, so walk it I will…


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Something we all seek, something we all have and lack at the same time. The concept is powerful and the word itself can strike fear in people. CONTROL…

People have killed for it, and died because of it. Wars have been waged because of it, and battles lost because of lack of it.


To be granted control, means to have great responsibility, to take control, means to remove responsibility for others, Slight difference, but a major point.  To freely give or forcefully take control determents the type of control you have. And defines the type of person you are.


We all want to control something’s, such as our day, our jobs our lives. And in-of-its self that’s not a bad thing. To have control over your self is good, in fact needed to survive; it’s when we allow our need to control to spills over in to our daily dealing with others; It when the need to control, starts to control our actions with others.


To understand control a little better let’s look at simple examples of control, and the positive or negative effects of it.

To control the actions of your small child:

 (No! Don’t touch that it’s hot) is positive control, a control that is expected and needed. It is a control that teaches and protects the ones who cannot teach nor protect themselves.

(I don’t want to tell them what to do, I want them to learn for themselves) is a negative control, a control that is underling, one that is in the shadows of allowing them to do as they wish. This control, a passive control is damaging and dangerous, it removes any direct responsibility from you and the ones you are to protect.

To control an adolescent:

(No! Don’t touch that it’s hot) is a negative control, you are removing the adolescent’s ability to learn from their own actions, you are. You are removing the responsibility from the adolescent and placing it on to you. Creating a dependent situation that places the adolescent in a negative situation, one where they are automatically at a disadvantage.

(I don’t want to tell them what to do, I want them to learn for themselves) is a positive control, one that places you in a passive roll, one that allows the adolescent to learn and grow based on their own actions, and not actions placed on them. This form of control, allows the parent (in this example) to influence from afar, giving advice but ultimately allowing the youth to decide for themselves.


NOTE: Please understand that I understand that in each example there are always exceptions. And yes sometimes you have to remove control from one and take it on yourself, based on situations at hand. The examples above are only examples, nothing more, and nothing less.

I used the example of youth, children only because I find the examples easier to conceptualize, but the same basic principals applies to adults, at times we need to say, HOT! Don’t touch and at times we need to say, go ahead and burn yourself.

The type of control we apply or don’t apply effects outcomes of the situations we are in, sometimes no control is exactly the type of control we need for a given situation.

The hard part, for controlling people, like me, is to know when to back off and when not to. The same can be said for non controlling people, they need to learn when to apply control and when not to. Take the TV show, Supper Nanny, a perfect example of parent s that need to know when to apply active control, as opposed to passive control. The idea that a child controls the adult is wild at best and sickening at its worst.

So today, decide to take control of life, of yourself and situations around you, but remember that sometimes taking control means handing it over to others, releasing it from yourself.


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Sometimes changes happen to you when you really don’t want it. It comes from outside of you, caused by someone or something else. It is in moments like this that I really don’t like change, not because it’s not good for me, not because it’s hard, all change is hard and for all I know it will be great for me, not for any of those reasons, but because I am not in control. The change came from elsewhere, not from me.

That makes the change hard to deal with, even if you know its coming, you see the signs, the writing is on the wall, they may even tell you it’s on its way, but still I’m not in control, I cannot do anything about it.

Some will tell you I am a control freak, but I would say I am not a control freak as long as I am controlling everything. Well that not really true, something’s I really don’t want to control, and others I have to. So control freak may be a strong word to use on me, may be a better word would be a control semi-freak.

So when changes hit me, and they are out of my control, I get a little upset. But then I try to remember the rule:

Worry about only what you can change


Good advice, easy to remember but really hard to swallow when I am the one who needs to swallow it. Life comes at you hard and fast sometimes, and sometimes you have no control over it. We all need to learn that rule, I know I do. Not only learn it, but more importantly live it

So I will let life come at me, and I will let the changes come my way… And I will live life to the fullest and only worry about what I can change…


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