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Posts Tagged ‘failures’

Often times it is hard to start this blog, I am not sure what to talk about and sometimes I am not sure if it really matters all that much. But as I have stated several times in the past, this blog is more a benefit to me than to others. This blog allows me the opportunity to workout what I think and feel about issues. Often times I use it to spew my Conservative political convictions or my Catholic faith. I use it as my own little sounding board, and over all I think that is a very good thing.

I have blogged about the importance of writing in a journal, well this blog is that, this is my journal, this is my space…

As of late you will notice that I have been very sporadic in my blogging, days and days go by with no words of wisdom from me, yet the world seems to still go on, and that is a very good feeling, to know that I am not that important to the workings of this world. I would hate the feeling of responsibility to this blog, to know that someone actually depends on this blog and my musings. In a way I think it would detract from the writing of this blog, I would feel the pressure to always at the top of my game, and truth be told, I never what that feeling. I like the feeling of just being average, nothing special.

I am told that I am extremely smart and have an IQ that is in the genus level, yet I strive for nothing more than average. In fact I find it difficult to deal with people who are perfectionist or who feel they must achieve the top score or be labeled the best.

If any one has watched the movie “Amadeus” one of my favorite lines from it

 

 

 

 

Salieri: I will speak for you, Father. I speak for all mediocrities in the world. I am their champion. I am their patron saint.

 

I love that line, along with hundreds of others in the movie… But that one line, I speak for all mediocrities in the world… What a great line and that is how I feel, that is what I think. I truly feel no need to always be the best, to always be on top, sometimes (well most of the time) average will do.

To what end is it to always be the best, to always be on top of the game? I see none, now I do think people need to work hard to strive for the goal, but I also feel that sometimes the goal is not important. Take Salieri, he wanted to always be on top, to always be the best, yet he never could, Mozart was, yet Mozart’s average was still better than Salieri’s best. So why concern yourself to death with it? Mediocrity is not a bad word…

But in this global economy and the world competing for everything we all to often push ourselves and sadly our children in to a frenzy to be perfect to always be on top of their game to always be the best. But reality is, not everyone can be the best, not everyone can win…. So why are we teaching ourselves and our youth that winning is everything? Why do we keep pushing them to be more than they are? What ever happen to “Just do your best, that’s all I ask” that phrase seems to have vanished from our vocabulary, now its I only expect the best from you, I only expect all A’s, or a perfect game or what every it is you expect.

With great expectations come great failures… Please understand I am not say we do not need to push ourselves or our youth, but we also need to be realistic and expect and accept that no all are Mozart’s that some of us are Salieri’s, and that too is OK…

I speak for all mediocrities in the world. I am their champion. I am their patron saint. ~Salieri

 

Paul

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John Wooden, one of the greatest coaches to ever coach the game of basketball, was reported to have consistently encouraged his players to “Never let what you can’t do get in the way of what you can do.”

How true that is, we often times talk ourselves out of doing great things because we focus on the things we can’t do. We tend to look at the negative in ourselves. I know from past experiences I have done the same, I have looked to my weakness and failed myself in doing so.

Today it is a different story for me, I now look to my strengths my goals and dreams, I lay my “can not do’s” aside and focus on my “can do’s”. I still faultier and some may say fail (I  personally do not look upon them as failures) but I do not allow that to sway me, I keep on keeping on, borrowing from the 70’s.

So what made the change in me, why do I now look to what I can do and ignore what I can not do? It’s simple, I got tired of failing myself, I got sick of always not trying, of never not knowing if I can do it. But mostly I hated the feeling inside, the feeling of being a failure, of not being good enough of always being second or third or maybe even last best. I needed to change, to move on to grow up to see life in a new way, but mostly I needed to see myself in the true light, not in the light that I shinned upon myself.

My high school years were years filled with second guessing and self doubt. I lived a life of dreaming of being not myself, the life of others was always a better life than mine. I felt no value with what I can do because I only saw what I could not do. I strived to fail, and failed I did.

Post high school I started to see the world and myself through a new light, in truth I can not state what one thing started me on this road of self discovery, but it was a slow road, one that from time to time I still must walk. Unlearning the skill of self doubt is a skill with in it self, so I needed to unlearn and learn new skills all at the same time, what a heavy weight for a young man to carry. But carry it I did, stumbling along the way, and skinning a few knees as I went.

Nothing worth achieving should com easy, i truly believe this now, no so much back then, but now, yah, I truly believe that we must suffer to achieve greatness with in our selves. And suffer I did and suffer I do. But now I look upon that suffering in a new light, a light of truth and light that I choose to shine upon it.

The light of truth is the light that makes me examine myself, to see where I have caused the issue and suffering, the light that forces me to take responsibility for my actions. It is a bright and blinding light at times, a light of extreme heat. But I choose to face it, to allow it to blind me and burn me, if it will, in the end, forge a new me.

But the light of truth has no power unless I shine it upon myself, not others. It is the self incrimination of that light that gives it it’s power. The power of self over self is awesome, its a power of overwhelming consequences, yet it is one that we must unleash, it is a power we must learn to us if we ever wish to become more.

I am still walking that road, I am still stumbling and scraping my knees, and yes I still shine that light upon myself, but now I do not see the sad self of before, one who could not and would not do anything great, but now I see someone who has and will continue to do great things. They may be small small greatness’, and to some not even that great. But to me they are life changing and world enhancing greatness’. And I know that when I shine the light upon myself, I know that I will see someone who has strived for greatness, not allowing the “Can not’s” to interfere with the “Can”.

Paul

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