Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘friendship’

Note: Cross posted from STATIC Youth’s Weblog.

Permalink

Christians believe that Jesus is the mediator ...

Image via Wikipedia

As part of my job, my 9 to 5 job, the one that pays my bills, I get to travel the world. I love that aspect of my job, I love going to new places. Not only do I get to go to new places, I get to make new friends. I now have friends in five countries around the world and have traveled to seven different countries. So on this next trip I get to visit my friends I have not seen in over a year. It will be nice.

Note: Cross posted from STATIC Youth’s Weblog.

Permalink

Advertisements

Read Full Post »

Note: Cross posted from STATIC Youth’s Weblog.

Permalink

Abraham and Isaac (detail), 1645, by Rembrandt...

Image via Wikipedia

I am sure as Catholics you have hear the phrase “Offer it up” as in offer up all your pain and suffering to Jesus. I know I have heard it and to me it often sounds like “Suck it up” a phrase we often times tell our kids when they get hut playing a sport or are unhappy about some work they have to do. It’s a phrase we use to tell them, some times life is hard, sometimes life ain’t fair, but get use to it.

Note: Cross posted from STATIC Youth’s Weblog.

Permalink

Read Full Post »

Trust, a simple work really, only 5 letters and the meaning is not to complex.  You trust in something or someone, you have faith that it will work or they will do as they say. Trust…

trust

/Ponunciation http://cache.lexico.com/g/d/dictionary_questionbutton_default.gif[truhst] ,

–noun

1.

reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.

 

2.

confident expectation of something; hope.

 

Synonyms:

·         belief

·         dependence

·         faith

·         reliance

 

On the surface it looks like a very basic thing, trust… But in truth we all know that it is a very complex thing and a very hard thing to do and to gain. Trust is a gift we give to each other and a gift we can take back very easily.

We go through life gaining and creating trust in others and things. We learn to trust our parents our schools and society. We are told to trust teachers, police officers and our Church. We are taught that trust is earned by our own actions. And we are taught we can break the trust others have in us the same way.  

Trust… Five letters that can control our actions and motives, some care about trust and others do not, some worry about gaining your trust and others are only concerned with breaking it.

Trust can build nations or tear them down, create families or tear them apart. Trust can start wars and bring peace. Trust is a word that has the power to lift you up, or hold you down. Trust is one mighty powerful word.

Trust is one of the most missed used and understood words in the English language, right behind Love. We state our trust in others and things with no value behind it, we give our trust to others who have done nothing to earn it, and we are appalled when that trust is miss used and abused.

Trust…

Think about it, do you really understand the word…

Whom can you trust what can you trust in and do you really trust yourself?

Just something to think about…

Paul

Read Full Post »

As a fellow human who is trying to make my own life better, along with trying to help others through this blog, I sometimes forget that I to need improvement. It’s like a doctor forgetting to get their own check up, I know that I need to work on myself, but sometimes the idea of helping others gets in the way.

The last few months have been such a time, I have been looking outside of myself, and forgetting to look inside. And now it is causing issues for me.

As many of you know I am a youth minister, and also part owner in a company, STATIC Solutions, LLC (www.staticplace.com). My partner and I also work together at the local parish were she is the Director of religious Education. Our friendship is about 4 years old, and as of late it has been hitting some bumpy ground. I think the stress of the job climate here in Michigan along with some personal family stress has added to my lack of wanting to deal with issues. Now I have a natural tendency to not to want to deal with “Adult Issues”, I seem to look at adults and think “You should know better” or “Grow up and deal with it”. I have a hard time with issues or self esteem or lack of it. I have no time to try to understand issues that I feel should have been dealt with long ago. The funny thing is, that I do have “Adult Issues” and yes I do tell myself “I should know better” and yes my “self esteem” sometimes is lacking.

At this time in my life, as I try to keep my job, provide for the young man that was placed in my charge, worry about the welfare of my sister and brother, who both are out of a job and now add to the list dealing with the death on my nephew, the last thing I want to add to my plate is what I would consider “Adult Issues”.

Knowing all that, and knowing myself, I know that it is at this time that I must look inward and find the courage to face the issues head on.  Sometimes it is hard to do that, sometimes I just want to chuck it all in and say that it’s not worth the effort. And in truth sometimes it’s not.  But I will never know unless I try, that’s the hard part.

It’s hard to put effort in to something that your really not sure will last, or is really good for you. Over the last few months I have been feeling like my roll has changed in to one that is one of moment to moment.  My role is always in flux, one moment I am being asked to give my opinion, in the next I am told to stop trying to fix me. I go from being seen as a good friend to being seen as the enemy, in a matter of seconds. From moment to moment I am told one thing than the next. From I can do this too I can’t from I want too, to I don’t want to.  From you know me so well, too stop reading my mind.

Now please do not miss understand me, we have had many good times as friends, and I do consider her a friend, but… I don’t know, but sometimes it seems my friendship is conditional, that I must always be what is needed in the moment at all times or I am not a good friend. Now I do understand that she has some very legitimate issues, and yes I am very proud of her, and all the battles she has won over the past 4 years of our friendship. But in truth they are her battles, not mine, and sometimes it seems that I must take them on, that I must battle them for her, or worst yet, sometimes I become the battle front for her. It is not a fair place to put me, I cannot win the battle, nor can I replace the fallen worriers caused by the battle.

Now back to what I started to say, I know that this is an issue that I need to learn to deal with, I need to learn to be more understanding and learn to accept that “adult issues” are real and yes we all have them. But I also need to remember that they are my issues, no one else’s.

Friendships take work, but they also take understanding. Sometimes friendships need to end, and other times they need to continue on. Like life, friendships are born, grow and die and like life each friendship has a purpose. The key is to know what stage your friendship is in and then allowing it to take its natural course.

That is where I am currently at with this friendship, trying to figure out what stage of life is it in, is it on its death bed, or just going through a growth spurt. I am not sure, I need to look deep within and listen to my heart, but first I need to deal with my own “adult issue” and get a clear understanding of where I am at and where I want to be. The road I walk will not be easy, but it is one that I must walk. It is my time to create the new me, it is a process that is always there, but for a little bit I have to bring it to the forefront of my mind.

The sudden death of my 23 year old nephew has affected me in ways I never thought it would, it has awakened in me a renewed spirit of life, and an understanding of how one should live life.

It is time for me to take stock in my life, to catalog it and clean it out, last year I started the process of simplifying my life by cleaning out my house, this process is still going on, but now I feel I must do the same with my soul. It is time to clean it out to open the windows and let the fresh air in.  It is time for me to look at all aspects of my life, and determine what I need in it. It is time to renew family and make the effort to heal old wounds.

I have lots to do, and most of it can only be done by me, but that is what the process is all about, itsa about me fixing me.

Paul

Read Full Post »

Please except my apologies for not blogging every day, but my trip overseas was one of great demands on me, both work and personal. You see I have many friends in the countries I visit for work. One of the perks of my travels is the great friendships I have made with many people. So when I have the opportunity to visit with them, I take advantage of that. So in doing so, my blogging became a minor priority.

But the opportunity to visit with my friends, to rekindle the flame of friendship, well that became a major responsibility and it took its toll on me.  I’m not as young as I once was, so the late nights out for dinner and the few drinks (well, ok more than a few) also took their toll.

Friendship is the spice of life; it is what makes my life so enjoyable. I have friends all over the earth and each one adds something to my life. So when I have the opportunity to visit and chat with them, I take it! I choose to add fresh spice to my life, to mix it up a little and with any luck, leave a little of my spice behind.

So the trip, although long, I was away from my home for 4 weeks, was well worth it. The conversations with my friends where enjoyable and served to strengthen our bonds across the ocean, the dinners where filling and fulfilling, serving both the body and soul. Time was always working on me, it seemed as if the days flew by, and before I knew it I was off to another land, to work and visit with my friends.

Now of all my friends here and abroad, I count them equal, none greater than or less than the other. Sure the local friends I have I see more and talk to more, and yes they add spice to my life, but I value them no more than I value the ones I see only on occasions when I travel.

A life lesson can be learned from my travels, one of gratitude for the capacity of the human heart. I have learned that love knows no borders and friendships can sustain the miles between, a lesson that all should learn.

 Friendship is a privilege that we all can receive and give; it is not a right that one can claim. We must work for our friendships, learn and grow from them. The spice of life friendship represents is a spice of joy and happiness. A spice that should never be horded for yourself, but one that must be shared, if you truly wish to experience the true flavor of it, a spice that is not contained, but rather set free in to the winds of life.

Paul

Read Full Post »

When does helping a friend become a “Doctor / Client” relationship?  I was asked this question the other day. Basically when does one cross that line, when does my advice to someone cross over from friendly advice to clinical advice.

 

To me, the line is when you become the replacement to professional help, when they stop seeking to outside help, or when you replace their ability to help themselves.

 

I am willing to offer my advice to anyone who asks, and sometimes to those who do not ask, I always have something to say about most things. I offer up what I feel is the sound advice, based on my moral standards. I offer it freely and expect nothing in return.

 

But there comes a time when that line between friendship and Doctor/Client relationship is crossed, when it is no long is friendly advice, but clinical evaluation. And that can become dangerous for both you and your friend.

 

It can lead to misunderstandings and an end to a friendship. Most of us are not qualified to offer clinical advice, nor are we trained in how to truly evaluate the person.

 

Of course each situation is different and we have to evaluate each one on its own merits, but causation should always be used. Friendships are of great value and should not be used as your own personal counseling sessions, but on the same token friends will listen and offer advice or just listen and offer only an ear, and often times that is all that is needed.

 

So when do we cross that line, I would say when we see our friendship slipping, we start to feel as if we should bill the other for the time we spend in “session”. The going rate, if you would like to know is $45.00 to $100.00 per hour. When you fell they now owe you for 3 hour, then you may have crossed that line.

 

So be careful, proceed with caution, but do not let that stop you from being the friend you are meant to be.

 

Paul

 

p.s. My advice is offered freely, I am not a professional, everything stated in this blog is from my own mind, or where stated borrowed from others. I do not charge, but you are welcome to purchase items from the Things to Buy links on the right side of this blog…. Thanks. J

Read Full Post »