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Posts Tagged ‘goal’

Often times it is hard to start this blog, I am not sure what to talk about and sometimes I am not sure if it really matters all that much. But as I have stated several times in the past, this blog is more a benefit to me than to others. This blog allows me the opportunity to workout what I think and feel about issues. Often times I use it to spew my Conservative political convictions or my Catholic faith. I use it as my own little sounding board, and over all I think that is a very good thing.

I have blogged about the importance of writing in a journal, well this blog is that, this is my journal, this is my space…

As of late you will notice that I have been very sporadic in my blogging, days and days go by with no words of wisdom from me, yet the world seems to still go on, and that is a very good feeling, to know that I am not that important to the workings of this world. I would hate the feeling of responsibility to this blog, to know that someone actually depends on this blog and my musings. In a way I think it would detract from the writing of this blog, I would feel the pressure to always at the top of my game, and truth be told, I never what that feeling. I like the feeling of just being average, nothing special.

I am told that I am extremely smart and have an IQ that is in the genus level, yet I strive for nothing more than average. In fact I find it difficult to deal with people who are perfectionist or who feel they must achieve the top score or be labeled the best.

If any one has watched the movie “Amadeus” one of my favorite lines from it

 

 

 

 

Salieri: I will speak for you, Father. I speak for all mediocrities in the world. I am their champion. I am their patron saint.

 

I love that line, along with hundreds of others in the movie… But that one line, I speak for all mediocrities in the world… What a great line and that is how I feel, that is what I think. I truly feel no need to always be the best, to always be on top, sometimes (well most of the time) average will do.

To what end is it to always be the best, to always be on top of the game? I see none, now I do think people need to work hard to strive for the goal, but I also feel that sometimes the goal is not important. Take Salieri, he wanted to always be on top, to always be the best, yet he never could, Mozart was, yet Mozart’s average was still better than Salieri’s best. So why concern yourself to death with it? Mediocrity is not a bad word…

But in this global economy and the world competing for everything we all to often push ourselves and sadly our children in to a frenzy to be perfect to always be on top of their game to always be the best. But reality is, not everyone can be the best, not everyone can win…. So why are we teaching ourselves and our youth that winning is everything? Why do we keep pushing them to be more than they are? What ever happen to “Just do your best, that’s all I ask” that phrase seems to have vanished from our vocabulary, now its I only expect the best from you, I only expect all A’s, or a perfect game or what every it is you expect.

With great expectations come great failures… Please understand I am not say we do not need to push ourselves or our youth, but we also need to be realistic and expect and accept that no all are Mozart’s that some of us are Salieri’s, and that too is OK…

I speak for all mediocrities in the world. I am their champion. I am their patron saint. ~Salieri

 

Paul

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Well I did it, this pass week I entered a new part of my life. One part I entered kicking and screaming the there I entered smiling.

Last week marked a new era for me, one that I created, and one that, if I could do over again I would have hoped for a different outcome, but I would have done everything the same.

As I have written I am currently in a bankruptcy, and it is now official, the courts excepted the plan. This is a good thing, it means I can stop worrying about weather the courts will adjust the plan. But it also meant that I must surrender my current car, well Jeep Commander to be specific, and get a used car with no payments. I did this, I am now the proud owner of a 1994 Jeep Grand Cherokee, one that over all is in good condition, it needs work, but she runs. By the way, this was the kicking and screaming part… I was not happy about giving up my Jeep, I like it and I wanted to keep it, just pay it off and not get a new car. But the courts had a different take on it all. Such is life.

When my niece saw the new Jeep she asked what I named it, now for the record I do not name my cars, she was being a smart butt, but after she left I thought about it. What would I name this new Jeep, this car that is now part of my new life…

The second thing that happened this past week was of my own doing, I entered in to is with a smile, I canceled cable, I went and purchased a converter box and over the air antenna and canceled cable. This has been something I have been thinking about for over a year, but each time I would decide to do it, I would come up with a million reasons not to. But this weekend I said to hell with the million reasons not to! And I went and did it, in fact tonight the cable company is coming to pick up there equipment.  Now I must confess that my nephew was not to happy with me, but he will get over it. And yes I will miss some of my shows I like to watch, but I will survive. I have a few “bugs” to work out of the system yet, but all in all, no problems so far. My next goal is to purchase a free to air dish or powerful outside antenna. This basically allows me to view any free to the air ways TV station, and there are tons of them. But that will have to wait, they are a little bit of money.

Also this past week I had a meeting with my new sales team for my company. STATIC  Solutions (my company) has just released its first product (as you have read in this blog). So to market it I needed a sales team, and now I have one.

So to review my week:

  • New Car
  • No Cable
  • New Sales team

A week chop full of changes… So back to my nieces question, what is the name of my Jeep, well based on my week, and based on what is ahead of me I would have to say her name would have to be Phoenix. You know the bird that burns up and is reborn from the ashes. Well in a way that’s what I feel like, I feel like I am burning up and starting to be reborn from the ashes. So Phoenix it is, my goal is to fix this Jeep up making sure she is safe and replacing or fixing what ever I have to on her, and to place on her the name Phoenix.

Rebirth is hard and I am not going to lie to you, it was extremely hard for me to give up my Jeep Commander but in the end I had to and in truth I am sort of glad, a lesson has been learned, and this lesson was one that I needed to learn.  So with my cables house and my new 1994 Jeep along with all the other changes I will freely choose and the ones that will be forced upon me, I will emerge from the the ashes as a new creation, stronger and better if not because if it all, at least because of in spite of it all.

 

Paul

From Wikipedia: A phoenix is a mythical bird with a colorful plumage and a tail of gold and scarlet (or purple, blue, and green according to some legends[1]). It has a 500 to 1,000 year life-cycle, near the end of which it builds itself a nest of myrrh twigs that then ignites; both nest and bird burn fiercely and are reduced to ashes, from which a new, young phoenix or phoenix egg arises, reborn anew to live again. The new phoenix is destined to live as long as its old self. In some stories, the new phoenix embalms the ashes of its old self in an egg made of myrrh and deposits it in the Egyptian city of Heliopolis (sun city in Greek).

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This was sent to me from a friend in India, not sure who the original author is, he never stated it… But I thought I would share it…

Positive words.bmpI remember my dad teaching me the power of language  at a very young age. Not only did my dad understand that specific words affect our mental pictures, but he understood words are a powerful programming factor in lifelong success. 

One particularly interesting event occurred when I was eight. As a kid, I was always climbing trees, poles, and literally hanging around upside down from the rafters of our lake house. So, it came to no surprise for my dad to find me at the top of a 30-foot tree swinging back and forth. My little eight-year-old brain didn’t realize the tree could break or I could get hurt. I just thought it was fun to be up so high.

My older cousin, Tammy, was also in the same tree. She was hanging on the first big limb, about ten feet below me. Tammy’s mother also noticed us at the exact time my dad did. About that time a huge gust of wind came over the tree. I could hear the leaves start to rattle and the tree begin to sway. I remember my dad’s voice over the wind yell, "Bart, Hold on tightly." So I did. The next thing I know, I heard Tammy screaming at the top of her lungs, laying flat on the ground. She had fallen out of the tree.

I scampered down the tree to safety. My dad later told me why she fell and I did not. Apparently, when Tammy’s mother felt the gust of wind, she yelled out, "Tammy, don’t fall!" And Tammy did. fall.     

My dad then explained to me that the mind has a very difficult time processing a negative image. In fact, people who rely on internal pictures cannot see a negative at all. In order for Tammy to process the command of not falling, her nine-year-old brain had to first imagine falling, then try to tell the brain not to do what it just imagined.

Whereas, my eight-year-old brain instantly had an internal image of me hanging on tightly. This concept is especially useful when you are attempting to break a habit or set a goal. You can’t visualize not doing something. The only way to properly visualize not doing something is to actually find a word for what you want to do and visualize that.

For example, when I was thirteen years old, I played for my junior high school football team. I tried so hard to be good, but I just couldn’t get it together at that age. I remember hearing the words run through my head as I was running out for a pass, "Don’t drop it!" Naturally, I dropped the ball.     

My coaches were not skilled enough to teach us proper "self-talk." They just thought some kids could catch and others couldn’t. I’ll never make it pro, but I’m now a pretty good Sunday afternoon football player, because all my internal dialogue is positive and encourages me to win. I wish my dad had coached me playing football instead of just climbing trees. I might have had a longer football career.           

Here is a very easy demonstration to teach your kids and your friends the power of a toxic vocabulary. Ask them to hold a pen or pencil. Hand it to them. Now, follow my instructions carefully. Say to them, "Okay, try to drop the pencil." Observe what they do.

Most people release their hands and watch the pencil hit the floor. You respond, "You weren’t paying attention. I said TRY to drop the pencil. Now please do it again." Most people then pick up the pencil and pretend to be in excruciating pain while their hand tries but fails to drop the pencil.   

The point is made.         

If you tell your brain you will "give it a try," you are actually telling your brain to fail. I have a "no try" rule in my house and with everyone I interact with. Either people will do it or they won’t. Either they will be at the party or they won’t. I’m brutal when people attempt to lie to me by using the word try.

Do they think I don’t know they are really telegraphing to the world they have no intention of doing it but they want me to give them brownie points for pretended effort? You will never hear the words "I’ll try" come out of my mouth unless I’m teaching this concept in a seminar. 

If you "try" and do something, your unconscious mind has permission not to succeed. If I truly can’t make a decision I will tell the truth. "Sorry John. I’m not sure if I will be at your party or not. I’ve got an outstanding commitment. If that falls through, I will be here. Otherwise, I will not. Thanks for the invite."             

People respect honesty. So remove the word "try" from your vocabulary. My dad also told me that psychologists claim it takes seventeen positive statements to offset one negative statement. I have no idea if it is true, but the logic holds true. It might take up to seventeen compliments to offset the emotional damage of one harsh criticism.           

These are concepts that are especially useful when raising children.

Ask yourself how many compliments you give yourself daily versus how many criticisms. Heck, I know you are talking to yourself all day long. We all have internal voices that give us direction.         

So, are you giving yourself the 17:1 ratio or are you shortchanging yourself with toxic self-talk like, " I’m fat. Nobody will like me. I’ll try this diet. I’m not good enough. I’m so stupid. I’m broke, etc. etc."   

If our parents can set a lifetime of programming with one wrong statement, imagine the kind of programming you are doing on a daily basis with your own internal dialogue. Here is a list of Toxic Vocabulary words.   

Notice when you or other people use them. 

But: Negates any words that are stated before it.               

Try: Presupposes failure.     

If: Presupposes that you may not.   

Might: It does nothing definite. It leaves options for your listener.

Would Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn’t actually happen.

Should Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn’t actually happen (and implies guilt.)         

Could Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn’t actually happen but the person tries to take credit as if it did happen.             

Can’t/Don’t: These words force the listener to focus on exactly the opposite of what you want. This is a classic mistake that parents and coaches make without knowing the damage of this linguistic error.       

Examples:           

Toxic phrase: "Don’t drop the ball!"   

Likely result: Drops the ball     

Better language: "Catch the ball!"   

Toxic phrase: "You shouldn’t watch so much television."             

Likely result: Watches more television.   

Better language: "I read too much television makes people stupid. You might find yourself turning that TV off and picking up one of those books more often!"   

Exercise: Take a moment to write down all the phrases you use on a daily basis or any Toxic self-talk that you have noticed yourself

using. Write these phrases down so you will begin to catch yourself as they occur and change them.

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So why haven’t you changed yet?

Excuses about age, time, money, and every other item we throw into the mix to help us feel better about putting our dreams on hold will end up killing our hopes for a happy and fulfilling life.

We can create ten thousand reasons not to do something, and ignore the one reason why we should. Often times that’s what it comes down to, I know for me I use ten thousand and one reasons why I don’t work out, No time, I forgot, I need this, Ill start tomorrow, and on and on the list goes, and each day it is getting harder and harder to do. And one day, if I wait long enough, it will be true, I wont be able to work out, I be dead.

We each have that one area we need to work on, and most of us have the excuses why we don’t memorized. It’s a sad state… each day I tell myself, today I will start to use the treadmill again, pr today I will walk the dogs, today I will lift the weighs and go on that diet, but today never seems to come, because I am always finding excuses.

Excuses are easy to come by, any old one will work really, from the creative to the everyday. It truly don’t matter as long as you have one. If you don’t I am sure a friend will give you one, there cheep to get.

The excuses we use often times come with a free gift, the gift of believing. If we use the excuse often enough we will believe the excuse. It’s a rather remarkable thing really. You see if I tell myself enough that I will start tomorrow, knowing full well I wont, but after time, well I start to think I truly will start tomorrow. Problem is, tomorrow never comes…

So why haven’t you changed yet? What poor excuse have you used?

  • It’s hard
  • I will, but not yet, I need to do _____(fill-in the blank)
  • I am waiting for this or that
  • I was going to start today, but this happened
  • Well I figured I needed to wait until this, then I needed to do that, and once this comes in the mail, and the moon if full, I will start, I promise!

And the list can go on and on…

So what is it you need to do?

  • move
  • go back to school
  • clean out the attic
  • work out
  • quit smoking
  • diet
  • return to Church
  • find yourself

What ever the task, what ever the goal you need to start today, no excuses, one small step, is a step in the right direction. As for me, a friend and I are to start walking at lunch time today. Not much, but a small step in the right direction.

Paul

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Ask yourself this one question, and than respond truthfully and I guarantee you will change your life forever.

Can a statement like that truly be true? Can one question alter your whole life, make that much of an impact on you that your life is totally different, that you charge a new course?

What sort of question must it be? Is it a question for one of your ancestors of Greek or Roman descent? A question of a great sage or from one of the eastern religions know for deep thoughts. A question from Buda or Krishna maybe, or did it come from Jesus or from one of the prophets?

Or maybe the question really doesn’t exist, maybe there is no one question that will change your life, maybe it’s all useless, we should just give up now, and not even search for the question.

Ask yourself this one question, and than respond truthfully and I guarantee you will change your life forever.

I know the question, and I will share it with you now, this one simple question will, if you allow it to, change your life forever. The rules are simple:

1. Read the question as it is, do not try to read anything in to it, there is no hidden message or meaning.

2. You must be open minded about the question.

3. You must give it some thought, this is not a question you can just simple put down any old response to.

4. You must be honest, you can not respond the way you think others want you to, you must respond with the truth as you know it at this moment.

5. You must be willing to take ownership of the responses, the only way to use the responses for agents of change, is to own them.

Ok, now that you have the rules, and you agree to them, we can move on, you will need to write the question down, it’s part of the ownership thing, by writing it down, in your own hand writing, it becomes yours.

Here is the question:

What really matters to you?

 

That’s it, that is the one question that will change your life. But remember, you have to allow it time to sink in, you have to give it deep thought. This is not a quick response question, but rather one of slow deep thinking.

Once you have your list or paragraphs or statements or what ever you decided to write, now comes the hard part. Now comes the part were you must look at that list and ask the following questions about it:

1. Is it (the feeling, action, goal) a positive?

2. Does it (feeling, action, goal) create a better world?

3. Will it help others?

4. Is it affirming?

The questions above a re designed to help you align your responses to a life changing action.  Example, if what really matters to me is money,than how is it a positive, how is it useful for a better world how will it help others and how will it be affirming to me?

To make a difference in our own lives, we must be willing to make a difference in the lives of others. No man (or woman) lives in a void, our actions or lack of actions affects the world around us, to truly become more we must be willing and able to affect others around us, in a positive and uplifting way.

The question “What really matters to you” is not a question about you, but really it is a question that will help you define your interactions with the world around you.

Good luck with the question, it truly can change your life.

Paul

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 I have been silent for the past few days, allowing my mind a change to reset it self and to allow ideas to grow. It has worked, last night I felt like being creative once again, I have found a new energy and a willingness to express it.

The energy may not be in creative writing, but it is there none-the-less so I am pleased. The writing will follow, I am sure.

Each activity we undertake uses a piece of our collective energy, being creatures that need to recharge and rest, our energy is limited, we can only pull and push it in so many directions. And sometimes we are not ever conscious of pushing or pulling it, and that seems to be the case for me.

This brings me to one of my main teachings, something I tell everyone and something that I always try to do as well, our body is always talking to us, it is our job to listen to it. I have failed to do so over the last few weeks, and have paid the price. I allowed my energy level to drain and that has affected my creativity and other aspects of my life.

Now some who know me would say that I never listen to my body, based on my weight and lack of physical activity, and they would be partially correct, I do tend to pay more attention to the mental side of things than the physical side, and I need to learn to balance this. This is one goal that I have, and one that seems to always allude me. No excuses, just a fact, I fail to do what I need to do to keep my body in good running order. And yes this also has an affect on my energy level also, and that affects my creativity level, and yes I know it’s one big circle…

I keep telling myself that I will start working out, walking, something, but it never seems to happen, but I will keep on myself, I will keep reminding myself and one day I will… Soon I hope…

Well it’s time to rest my mind, and start to think about the other blogs I need to write and the work I also must do  today, so until the next posting, make it a great day, and make sure you rest, allowing your body and mind time to refuel.

Paul

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Before I start my blog let me ask you a question:

Why do you want to change?

What are your reasons for wanting to change?

Ok, so that was more than “a” question, but in truth both will get to where I want to go. Now, once again before we start in on the body of the blog, respond to the above questions, list your reasons for wanting to change, for wanting to become “A New You”. I’ll wait…….

 

 

 

Ok, got your list? If the “Because it will make me happy” is on your list, or if “I don’t know” is on your list cross them off. If your list contains any ambiguous reason like the two above, cross them off, now be honest, I’ll wait…..

 

 

All set? Got your list, or did you end up crossing everything off? If you did, don’t worry, most people have very ambiguous reasons. That’s what this blog is all about…

 

If we look at the number of people who are trying to change their lives, the number of books sold and seminars attended and the number of blogs written and read, it is staggering. But if so many people are in the process, why do only a select few make it? What is the secret, what do they have that we do not? We read the same books, say they same catch phrases and sometimes even emulate all their actions. But to no end, we still are stuck in our old life, striving to get to the new one. What do they have that we do not?

The question is simple and the secret is really not a secret, but we fail to see it. It’s our reasons, it’s our why we want to’s. What motivates us to work hard at our goal, why do we get up in the morning to read the newest self help book, or log on to the computer to read our inbox or the latest blog entry.

If our reason is week, so will or resolve be. We need a strong reason, something to push us beyond our limits. A week reason serves no purpose; it does not push us, or motivate us to work harder. An ambiguous reason will lead to an ambiguous response. So before you read your next self help book or start down a new path to a new you, sit down in a quiet place, close your eyes and relax, place yourself in a meditative mood and reflect on your reasons for wanting to change. Make a list, and check it twice. Remove any ambiguous reasons. Prioritize them and relate them to tangible goals, with realistic time lines.

You need to find the motivation in yourself, and that motivation comes from the reason for the need to change. Change for change sake never last, it is built on shaky ground, but change for a reason will last, for it is built on solid ground.

Paul

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