Posts Tagged ‘no’

Yes & No

Can we really help someone change….????


Yes and No


Yes, we can we can help by offering our support, or understanding and our gifts. We can help by sometimes just being there, or by encouraging them on their way. By showing them how to remove the road blocks or offering a detour around certain road blocks. We can help by being a true and honest friend; one who states the truth even when we know it will hurt or offend the other. We can help by listening to the pain, but not by removing it or taking away from it, but rather by accepting it, and helping them to do the same.


No, we can not help by doing it for them or by allowing their pain to over ride our understanding or compassion. No we can not help by offering to do the work for then, or by offering easer roads to walk, or sheltering them from the pain that must be felt, we can not help by lying to them, or underplaying the truth or facts. No we can not help them by feeding in to their cover-ups and self deceptions. No we can not help them by allowing them to do it all on there own.


It is often a very thin line between helping and doing. We often see it in parents who want their child to excel; they offer their help by doing the work. Or we see the parent who wants the child to be self-reliant, so they are completely hands off, neither option is best, but rather it is some where in the middle, we offer to guide and to nudge but not to take over and do.


The same is said for helping a friend through difficult times, all to often we revert to our nature to either do it all or to do nothing, because the thin line is often to hard to walk. We get frustrated and often times it’s just easier for us to do it. Once again we see this in parenting, we ask our child to so this or that, but often times we end up doing it, because its just easer, they don’t do it right, or it take them to long, or I would have to explain it anyway, so I might as well just do it.


I know I have done that in the past, and sometime still do, but I try hard to not allow myself to do that, if I do, how will they ever learn? The same is said for helping a friend through a change, the same can be said for a lot of life. Often times we need to learn how to do or not do something, to learn it by doing it.


I see this in the classes I teach and in my youth ministry, often times when I am dealing with an adult who likes to do, rather the teach, I have to spend time teaching them just how to let go, and when I am dealing with a youth who is use to having every task done for them, I spend time teaching them how to do, how to accept the task.


Life is full if lessons, but no lesson is learned if you never do the lesson.


So YES you can help a friend through a change, and NO you can not help them… Once again it’s a life lesson, that the helper must learn and they are helping their friend….


Life is hard, and full of lessons, and I for one say thanks God! Because if it was not, what would we do?



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How do we become so good at convincing ourselves that we can’t do something? We seem to be able to tell ourselves we can’t do something, or we are not good enough or smart enough, the list of put downs and hold backs can go on for ever. But it seems we have few word of encouragement to offer ourselves.


It’s a learnt trait; society teaches us that if we talk ourselves up, we are big headed, to full of ourselves and just plain not fun to be around.


 To some extent that is true, there is a fine line between confidence and being conceded. I am not talking about the extremes; I am talking about a healthy relationship with your inner self.


We all have ambitions in life, we all want to achieve something great, but very few of us do so. What makes the achievers different then the non-achievers? In a word, outlook, there out look on life makes all the difference.


If out outlook on life is positive, we will believe in ourselves, our inner space will be content and feel as if it can accomplish anything. The words of the outside world mean very little to a person who is content with the inner self.


The ability to filter through the negative world is an innate ability, one that we have seemed to have lost over the years. Children have this ability, which is why we say children are resilient; they have the ability to “bounce” back, the ability to filter out negative input.


Case and point, most children, if left to their own devices, will work through any negative environment, such as a funeral. Sit and watch them, if you ever get the chance, and see them smiling and playing, enjoying life. They have created a reality of happiness, of positiveness  . Yes they feel sorrow, but they also know life goes on, they have an inner knowledge that they still exists. They can filter through the negative inputs and process them as positiveness  ; an ability that we as adults seem to have lost.


The outlook of a child, for the most part, is positive, even in the worst environments. Studies have been preformed and the outcome of each study is consistent, children in poverty find, and or create an internment of contentment, one of positiveness. They work there environment to there advantage.


Please do not miss understand me, I am not suggesting that the environment has no effect on them in a negative way, because we know it does, and we have studies that also prove that point. What I am trying to establish is that we, as humans have an innate ability to deal with and process negative environments in to positive outlooks. That the human race was created to survive, and to prosper, but somewhere along they way, as we have grown up as a human race, we have lost it.


It is by no mistake that Jesus tells us to be as children if we wish to enter in to the kingdom, Jesus knows that the heart mind and soul of a child is still pure, able to process and see the good in all, including the good in self.


If I was to venture a guess as to why or how we have lost this innate ability, I would have to say it is because as the human race has grown, and life has become easier, we have grown softer.


Many articles have been written about this very topic, in the UK they have even gone as far as to create a government task force to look in to how we have “soften” or kids, how we are creating a generation of youth that will not be able to deal with stress or negative forces in life. The over protecting of our youth has gone to extremes of sheltering them.


Some examples of this are:

  •  In some US schools kick ball has been band, because some kids will lose, and they are afraid of damaging the child’s psyche
  • In Australia Santa can no longer say “HoHoHo” because it is a negative term for woman, he must now say “HaHaHa”
  • In the UK hanging plants are no longer allowed in some towns, for fear they might fall and hit someone, or someone may run in to them


The list can be endless, but the UK has not formed a government office to look in to the hundreds of laws create to protect there children. They have, based on research, and discovered that they are creating whole generations of “scared” children. Non risk takers, and for a society, and the human race as a whole, this is a very dangerous and scary prospect.  


Risk taking is an important part of growing up, and an important part of creating that positive outlook on life that we as adults seem to lack.


We need to relearn how to look inside of ourselves, to find the magic spot in our being, that one spot that tells us “YES YOU CAN”. We need to rediscover out youthful positive outlook, and tap back in to it.


If we desire to leave our children and our grandchildren in a world full of possibilities, we need to see them for ourselves. We can not leave behind that which we do not have. We can not see the world as negative, nor see ourselves as such, and expect our children to learn any different.


The human race has the ability to create an environment that fosters positiveness, one that allows risk, and even encourages them. We are resilient people, created from goodness, and created for goodness; we just seem to have forgotten that.


So the next time you tell yourself “I can’t do this” remember you are not just telling yourself that, but you are tell the future generations that they can not do it either.

We leave behind our legacy by what we do and what we don’t do. So choose wisely, and consider the ramifications of your actions and your inactions. Choose to leave behind positive and uplifting energy rather then negative and putdown energy.


It starts with you! So make today the first day of “Yes I Can” and “Yes I will”



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