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This was sent to me from a friend in India, not sure who the original author is, he never stated it… But I thought I would share it…

Positive words.bmpI remember my dad teaching me the power of language  at a very young age. Not only did my dad understand that specific words affect our mental pictures, but he understood words are a powerful programming factor in lifelong success. 

One particularly interesting event occurred when I was eight. As a kid, I was always climbing trees, poles, and literally hanging around upside down from the rafters of our lake house. So, it came to no surprise for my dad to find me at the top of a 30-foot tree swinging back and forth. My little eight-year-old brain didn’t realize the tree could break or I could get hurt. I just thought it was fun to be up so high.

My older cousin, Tammy, was also in the same tree. She was hanging on the first big limb, about ten feet below me. Tammy’s mother also noticed us at the exact time my dad did. About that time a huge gust of wind came over the tree. I could hear the leaves start to rattle and the tree begin to sway. I remember my dad’s voice over the wind yell, "Bart, Hold on tightly." So I did. The next thing I know, I heard Tammy screaming at the top of her lungs, laying flat on the ground. She had fallen out of the tree.

I scampered down the tree to safety. My dad later told me why she fell and I did not. Apparently, when Tammy’s mother felt the gust of wind, she yelled out, "Tammy, don’t fall!" And Tammy did. fall.     

My dad then explained to me that the mind has a very difficult time processing a negative image. In fact, people who rely on internal pictures cannot see a negative at all. In order for Tammy to process the command of not falling, her nine-year-old brain had to first imagine falling, then try to tell the brain not to do what it just imagined.

Whereas, my eight-year-old brain instantly had an internal image of me hanging on tightly. This concept is especially useful when you are attempting to break a habit or set a goal. You can’t visualize not doing something. The only way to properly visualize not doing something is to actually find a word for what you want to do and visualize that.

For example, when I was thirteen years old, I played for my junior high school football team. I tried so hard to be good, but I just couldn’t get it together at that age. I remember hearing the words run through my head as I was running out for a pass, "Don’t drop it!" Naturally, I dropped the ball.     

My coaches were not skilled enough to teach us proper "self-talk." They just thought some kids could catch and others couldn’t. I’ll never make it pro, but I’m now a pretty good Sunday afternoon football player, because all my internal dialogue is positive and encourages me to win. I wish my dad had coached me playing football instead of just climbing trees. I might have had a longer football career.           

Here is a very easy demonstration to teach your kids and your friends the power of a toxic vocabulary. Ask them to hold a pen or pencil. Hand it to them. Now, follow my instructions carefully. Say to them, "Okay, try to drop the pencil." Observe what they do.

Most people release their hands and watch the pencil hit the floor. You respond, "You weren’t paying attention. I said TRY to drop the pencil. Now please do it again." Most people then pick up the pencil and pretend to be in excruciating pain while their hand tries but fails to drop the pencil.   

The point is made.         

If you tell your brain you will "give it a try," you are actually telling your brain to fail. I have a "no try" rule in my house and with everyone I interact with. Either people will do it or they won’t. Either they will be at the party or they won’t. I’m brutal when people attempt to lie to me by using the word try.

Do they think I don’t know they are really telegraphing to the world they have no intention of doing it but they want me to give them brownie points for pretended effort? You will never hear the words "I’ll try" come out of my mouth unless I’m teaching this concept in a seminar. 

If you "try" and do something, your unconscious mind has permission not to succeed. If I truly can’t make a decision I will tell the truth. "Sorry John. I’m not sure if I will be at your party or not. I’ve got an outstanding commitment. If that falls through, I will be here. Otherwise, I will not. Thanks for the invite."             

People respect honesty. So remove the word "try" from your vocabulary. My dad also told me that psychologists claim it takes seventeen positive statements to offset one negative statement. I have no idea if it is true, but the logic holds true. It might take up to seventeen compliments to offset the emotional damage of one harsh criticism.           

These are concepts that are especially useful when raising children.

Ask yourself how many compliments you give yourself daily versus how many criticisms. Heck, I know you are talking to yourself all day long. We all have internal voices that give us direction.         

So, are you giving yourself the 17:1 ratio or are you shortchanging yourself with toxic self-talk like, " I’m fat. Nobody will like me. I’ll try this diet. I’m not good enough. I’m so stupid. I’m broke, etc. etc."   

If our parents can set a lifetime of programming with one wrong statement, imagine the kind of programming you are doing on a daily basis with your own internal dialogue. Here is a list of Toxic Vocabulary words.   

Notice when you or other people use them. 

But: Negates any words that are stated before it.               

Try: Presupposes failure.     

If: Presupposes that you may not.   

Might: It does nothing definite. It leaves options for your listener.

Would Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn’t actually happen.

Should Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn’t actually happen (and implies guilt.)         

Could Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn’t actually happen but the person tries to take credit as if it did happen.             

Can’t/Don’t: These words force the listener to focus on exactly the opposite of what you want. This is a classic mistake that parents and coaches make without knowing the damage of this linguistic error.       

Examples:           

Toxic phrase: "Don’t drop the ball!"   

Likely result: Drops the ball     

Better language: "Catch the ball!"   

Toxic phrase: "You shouldn’t watch so much television."             

Likely result: Watches more television.   

Better language: "I read too much television makes people stupid. You might find yourself turning that TV off and picking up one of those books more often!"   

Exercise: Take a moment to write down all the phrases you use on a daily basis or any Toxic self-talk that you have noticed yourself

using. Write these phrases down so you will begin to catch yourself as they occur and change them.

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I’ve learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances.

Martha Washington

 

The first, First Lady, wife of President George Washington has it right, our outlooks, attitudes and dispositions determine how we will face the world. This is not a new thought; this is a thought that goes back to the creation of the human race. Adam and Eve struggled with the same issue; they too had difficulties and choices to make. Eve ate the apple because she had a bad outlook on life; the devil convinced her that life could be better, that life could be more. Her outlook was the one of deception, one of a broken nature. Adam fell in to line and bought the line that life can be more, can be better only if he took of the apple. There disposition was one of negativeness, one of a void. They felt that life was not whole that they were due more.

The outlook of the human race is one of negate, and we must work to change that inner beliefs, we must dig deep and remove the roots of negativity and learn to change our outlook on life. We must learn to see the positive in all. In these times of economic struggles and people hear despair and doom daily on TV and the radio, it is more important than ever to find the positive in the world.

Our life is ours, and we can make it what we want, and what we make it is based on how we view ourselves and the world around us. I try to live out this message daily in my life; I try to see the good in all and every event of the day.

It is easier said than done, I understand that, but that is no reason not to change. The process of positive thinking is a life changing process, on that will affect all aspects of your life.  The effort is well worth it, you will be amazed at the transformation in yourself and others around you. Positive thinking is contagious, as is negative thinking.

So tell me, would you give your child a debilitating disease? Would you wish them an illness that would darken there days here on earth, would you pass on to your co-workers a deadly virus or to your family and friends, would you wish them harm? No we would not; we only wish our family and friends the best. But we do pass on our illness to all we meet when we project a negative outlook; we pass on our disposition to all we come in contact with.

The same is for our positive outlook, we pass it on. Our smile and a good morning can change the day of whom you greeted. The opening of the door for others can open there hearts to the world. Little efforts carry big results. The power of the positive will always overshadow the power of the negative. The human condition gravitates to positive energy, we are drawn to it, yet we fight it and are determined to generate negativity, we are willing to work harder at being negative until it becomes easy to fall in to, until it becomes our nature. Why would we work so hard to be something that is disabling and life killing? Yet we find it too hard to work towards a  positive life, to live life with a heart filled with a love of life and all it offers us.

Paul

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How to live a positive life:

The first place to begin is with journaling. Buy a 99 cent notebook and start journaling about what was great the day before. Write one or two wonderful things from yesterday – even if it is that you walked your dog! It must be something that made you feel good and the bigger your sense of satisfaction and accomplishment, the better. Do this daily starting today

The idea behind this is to make you aware of the positive aspects of the previous day, and to start your day off on a positive note. It is important that you do this in the morning, before you start your day. positive Wake up 5 minutes earlier, sit in a quiet place, have a nice cup of coffee or tea and write down all the positive things that has happened to you the day before.

You can make list, or just free form write, it can be in a poem or story, whatever way it works best for you. The key to the whole exercise is to write down positive events from the previous day.

We all too often look to the negative in life, and in the current economic conditions, seeing positive is a hard thing to do. But if we truly look, we can find positive in almost every situation.

As an example, my sister was been out of work for the past 5 months, in the beginning she was able to see the positive in this, she is a single mother, and her daughter just had hip surgery and she needed to be home to take care of her, if she was still employed she would have to have taken unpaid leave of absence.  But being out of work, she got unemployment benefits. As time went on, the idea of no work started to wear on her, but she tried to keep an upbeat outlook, knowing something will happen, and knowing that I, her brother would help out anyway I could. But the stress finally took its toll, and her outlook really started to do down. I kept reminding her, much to her displeasure, that it will all be ok; to look at the positive side of what was happening.  She asked what positive is there, and so I would list a few that I saw:

1.       You always wanted to be a stay at home mom

2.       You can look in to going back to school to learn a skill you want to do

3.       You do not have to worried about or stress about whether you will have a job tomorrow,

4.       You’re out of an industry that is changing and down sizing.

The list can go on, but you get the idea, look for the positive, and find it somewhere. Sure my sister also gave me a list of negatives, and yes they are valid, but my response to her was always the same, what good does it do to dwell on the negative. Yes, you have to face them, but would it not be easier to face them with a positive outlook?

Our outlook on life plays a large part in how we live our life, so if we start to teach ourselves to look for the positive, then we will start to see it in all kinds of places. Mother Theresa could not have done what she did, if she was not able to see the positive in her daily work. She saw Christ in all she met, that is a very positive outlook.

A positive outlook is considered one of the most important aspects of healing. The health care industry has spent millions of dollars on research to study the effects of a positive outlook, and has found that a positive outlook is one of the most important aspects of a speedy recovery. Employers have found the same results for keeping employees and hiring new ones. Not only is the outlook of the individual important, but also the corporate outlook.

We also see this playing a role in our spiritual life, we all too often look at the negative aspect of our spiritual journey, and downplay the positive. If we truly look at our life situation, I think we will see that the positive outweighs the negative; the key is to look for it, and not to allow the negative to control out outlook.

So pick up that journal today, and tomorrow morning, first thing, write down at least 3 positive things from the day before, and allow the positive energy to guide your day.

Paul

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Change your life in one minute….

Good starter line don’t you think? What could you possibly do in one minute that will change your life? In truth, a lot! But I will give you one idea, one simple quick idea:

Think positive about your day for 60 seconds before you get out of bed. Just lay there and think of all the positive things you can do or that will happen to you for just this one day.

See, easy as can be, no reading, no homework, just thinking. What could be easer? And it only takes 60 seconds, one small minute. And trust me, it will work. Our own outlook on life, on our day has a huge impact on how it turns out. Our own thought process plays a major role in not only how we see things, but also how those around us see things. So by spending 60 seconds thinking positive thoughts will affect the rest of your day, and all around you.

The power of positive thinking should not be overlooked, Dr. Wayne Dyer has write numerous books on the subject, he talks about the power of positive thinking, and how it can change your life. I have read him and must agree, a positive thought has much more energy than a negative one. Positive energy will carry us on our way, a negative one will hold us down.

The bible even talks about the power of positive thoughts, the story of not concerning ourselves with life, God will care for us, so why concern ourselves with it. You all know the story; Jesus is using the bird and lilies of the fields as an example. Jesus is telling us, think positively, God will care for your needs, if you allow him to. And how do we allow him to do so, but not concerning ourselves with negative thoughts.

So give it a try, just spend 60 seconds, one small minute of your day, your morning and think positive thoughts of how your day is going to turn out. Don’t concern yourself with tomorrow or the next day, just think about today and all the positive things going on in your life. They are there, nothing is ever total gloom and doom, and there is always a positive, even if it comes from a negative. But remember we project energy, either a negative or a positive; it is up to us; so why not make is positive?

Paul

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I am often asked how I keep such a positive attitude, and my response is always the say, “Why Not?” To me that is the only response needed, it sums is up pretty well don’t you think?

 Attitude, positive or negative, is all a choice. We decide what it is we want to be, and then we do it. Yes I know there are people out there with medical conditions, chemical imbalances, and yes I know they cannot control their moods and such. And I also know that it is not a choice for them to have this condition, but it is a choice for them on how they will deal with it. They can get medication, see a doctor or find organic alternative. So in the end, it is still a choice, they choose to deal with it or not.

We all make the same choice every morning when we wake up, we decide when we are cut off by a crazy drive on the way to work, or when our boss decides that today is the day they will ream us. We decide how we will react; we can decide how it will affect us the rest of the day. And we decide how we will allow it to affect our relations with others.  I have suffered each of the above situations, and I have chosen badly and wisely. I have reacted with anger and frustration, taken it out on co-workers, friends and family. And I have also let it roll off me and decided that I would not let it affect me in a negative way, but rather I would use that energy to create. I would put that energy back in to whatever project I was working on, work related or not.

I know that for me, I prefer the second options, to allow it to feed in to my creative process, use the negative to generate a positive; a much better outcome for all involved in my life. I choose to not allow it to bother me.

Yes, I do still get angry, yes sometimes I forget to control my anger and I let it affect my life, I choose not to let it roll off, and I pay for that choice. I pay by having a bad day the rest of the day instead of having just a bad moment.  I allow the moment to control the day. 

In truth we all have moments, good and bad, and we will always have them, but it is how we choose to deal with the moment, how we choose to allow them to control us. I choose to use them all, good and bad as moments of learning, moments of enlighten.  I choose to use the energy to good, for creation and for the betterment of me and all around me.

So start today, take a small moment and allow it to be part of the creation of a greater moment, allow it to feed your creative energy, allow the day to control the moment not the moment to control the day.

Paul

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Each day we live is a new chance to change our lives, to make a difference in the world and to create a better tomorrow.

                                                        

All too often we look at life as one line string of events, never changing and for ever in despair, or greatness, depending on your view point.

 

But reality states differently. We have new life, more chances each and everyday. We wake up to billions of possibilities, and can seek out new horizons at the blink of an eye.

 

We are not limited in our possibilities, only limited in our own ability to imagine them. We have a mind that knows no limits, we can dream of any reality we want, and we have a will that can choose to interact with that dream, and create for ourselves a new reality.

 

But all too often we choose not to, we allow the human condition to take over, allow the doubt and distress to enter in to our dreams, and fall to the temptation if notness.

 

Notness is the ability to take a dream, a possibility and turn it in to a nothing. Notness works like this:

 

I can not do this

It is not possible

I do not have the time

I am not smart

 

That is notness, a overriding thought that removes from us our innate ability to dream, our courage to live out all possibilities. Notness drowns us in negitivness, and allows us to navigate away from the center core of ourselves, the core that belives in ourselves, that allows and promotes the possibilities and dreams that define us, and create us as different and unique creations.

 

But the good news is that each notness can be converted, changes and turned in to a positive statement, we can over come notness, and defeat it, banish it from ourselves, never allowing it to enter in to our conciseness again.

 

Possibilities is what created all that we see, and all that we are, notness is what is destroying it all, eating away at the fabric of life, one dream and possibility at a time.  

 

So start today, and remove one notness from your life, pick one dream, one possibility and run with it, start small or start large, and don’t give up!

 

Paul

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(The Following is taken from http://www.everydayhealth.com/publicsite/index.aspx?puid=96ecd3d7-769a-4942-9aca-e733873ee877&p=6 )

I felt that the following article was helpful, and contains information that is in-line with what I am trying to teach.

Paul

Nurturing Yourself

The Role of Positive Psychology

Positive psychology is an emerging field recognized by the American Psychological Association, and many experts who design stress-control programs harness its principles. It focuses on determining and promoting the factors that permit people to thrive. Rather than search for the roots of unhappiness, research coming out of this field investigates the ingredients of a good life and weighs the effects of traits like optimism, humor, and even eccentricity.
 
Optimists, for example, tend to do better than pessimists when coping with stressful situations. They are more likely to put a positive spin on stressors, look for ways to make the best of a bad situation, and use problem-solving strategies to tackle difficulties. Some studies indicate that optimists often fare better physically, too. A long-term study of more than 830 Mayo Clinic patients published in Mayo Clinic Proceedings in 2000 found that those classified as pessimists had a 19% higher risk of mortality over the course of 30 years than those who were optimists. A 10-year study of 1,300 men based on data drawn from the Veterans Affairs Normative Aging Study was reported in Psychosomatic Medicine in 2001. It suggested that a sense of optimism may protect older men against developing heart disease. 

If you’re not a natural optimist, this information could merely fuel your pessimism. Don’t let it. Take a deep breath and relax. Evidence suggests avoiding pessimism is more important than boosting optimism. It’s true that there are people with naturally sunny natures, but it’s equally true that the way you handle yourself emotionally owes a great deal to nurture. With practice, your current outlook and behaviors can change for the better.

 

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