Posts Tagged ‘regrets’

Note: Cross posted from STATIC Youth’s Weblog.


bildeCAPI4JRM Yesterday the City of Detroit mourned the loss of a great man, Ernie Harwell, the voice of summer. Ernie was the broadcast announcer for the Detroit Tigers for years. His voice on the radio meant that summer was here.

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The family dynamic is a very complex thing, it offers great joy and great sorrow. People have write songs and preformed plays concerning the family. Most TV shows are based on the family dynamic and certainly we have read many many books on the topic.

My family is no different, we have dynamics. We have out moments of great joy and great sorrows, and often times the co-exist. But at times one will override the other, the great sorrow of the loss of a parent or child will trump the great joy, becoming the dominate dynamic. Yet other times they seem to mingle and and the line between the joy and sorrow becomes fuzzy at best.

This gray area of the family dynamic seems to me to be the area were it sits the most. We seem to exist in a void of high and lows and allow ourselves to tread lightly on the soil of betweenness. Nothing wrong with that, for the most part. The great joys and great sorrows can be extremely taxing on ourselves and the over all dynamic of the family.

This is were I find myself, I am currently walking in the land of betweenness.

I feel no great joy or sadness within the dynamics of my family. Currently I am having “issues” with most of my family members. Not a good place to be… Some of the “issues” are of my doing and some are not, as is the case with most family dynamics. But what is different now is that I do not feel and great emotion over this riff. This saddens me in a way, but in other ways it does not. I am at a point in my life were the fight is not something I want to do. The battle field seems a long walk and I am not up to the walk to the battle field, nor the battle itself.

This fact bothers me, why am I willing to let the battle defeat me with out even a fight? Why am I willing to allow the dynamics of the family triumph over me? Family Dynamics are a powerful adversary to have.

To me, it seems that I have been beaten up for way to long, that I have allowed the family dynamics to control me and now I am just tired of it. I no longer want to be beaten up or controlled. I have bent to the will of others to keep the dynamic in a joyful mode and in doing so place myself in a field of regrets. I no longer want to walk in that field. I now want to walk in a field that I choose, be it joyful or not, it is my choice.

I am sure the family dynamic will mend itself, one day, but I do no that it will not be the same as it was. Each of us have changed and that change will affect the overall dynamic. The new family dynamic will still be filled with great joys and great sorrows but they will be defined a little differently now.



Complex Dynamics: Families and Friends
We are never deceived; we deceive ourselves.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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Two simple word’s and on there own really don’t mean a lot, but put them together and BAM!!!! You just started down the road of regrets…

If Only I did this….

If Only this happened….

If Only they….

See what I am getting at, we can live a life of IF ONLY’s and never grow past it. Yes we should stop and take stock in what we have done in our lives, but we should never IF ONLY it.

Here is an example:

If Only I had gone to collage, got my degree and and met that someone special in my life.

Yes things would be different, better, maybe or maybe not. We will never know, but one thing we do know, is that our life would be different.

I would not be here, at this moment typing this blog (some may think that’s a good thing), I would not be doing what I am doing now… Yes my life would be different, but maybe not better…

If Only is an impossibility, so why concern yourself with it? We can not change what was, but we can change what will be.

Stop looking back as the problem, and look at it as a life lesson, learn what you can from your past, and toss the rest out.

Start today with the new you, and stop the IF ONLY’s in your life, no-longer look at what could have been, but rather at what will be.

Take sometime to invest in yourself, learn new habits to improve your life, find sometime for your spiritual needs and look to tomorrow for your new you.


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