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Note: Cross posted from STATIC Youth’s Weblog.

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In a soft voice, full of concern it was spoken. “This is my body”. It was spoken with a love that was felt by all and it lofted lightly in the air waiting for the soft breeze  to carry it away.

Note: Cross posted from STATIC Youth’s Weblog.

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I haven’t posted much as of late, it’s been kind of crazy for me, with TONS of stuff to do prior to July 1, but soon, very soon it should calm down for me. Launching a new company and product is very time consuming, but well worth it (I hope!). Setting up the web sites (www.staticplace.com) creating the marketing campaign and designing all the necessary documents, they all take time and effort. And with working a fulltime 9 to 5 type job, I don’t always have time to blog, nor time to do much of anything else.

But I always find “me” time, I always find time to relax and unwind. Yesterday was such a day for me, after work I went home and didn’t take my laptop out all night, I read, watched a little TV and didn’t even think about all the work I still have to do… But today, well most likely a little bit like yesterday. I am to the point were my mind needs to stop thinking about all that I have to do, and I need to rest it up, just a day or 2 and than back to the grind.

I still need to create samples of the program, and finish the websites and place ads in papers and find a sales person or 2 and and and… The list seems to keep adding to itself, seems like every time I think I am done, a new action item is added to the list, but that’s OK, because I know that in the long run it will all be worth the effort. So for today and the next few days I will work work work….

So I just wanted to catch you up a bit on what is going on with me, until next time, make sure you always have a little “ME” time in your week, it’s important to your health, both mentally and physically. I have written on that before, and maybe I will write a little more about it next time…

Paul

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Below is an article I read and I thought it would be very helpful to others, enjoy…

Paul

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7 Ways To Keep Going

By Therese J. Borchard
April 7, 2009

A woman who lives with chronic pain said to my mom the other day, “You can’t sit around and wait for the storm to be over. You’ve got to learn how to dance in the rain.”

That’s a perfect description of living with depression, or any chronic illness. But what do you do on the days you don’t think you can take the pain anymore? When you want so badly to be done with your life … or at least be done with the suffering? What do you do when anxiety and depression have spun a web around you so thick that you’re convinced you’ll be trapped forever in those feelings?

I’ve compiled a few tools for moving past that harrowing darkness, suggestions on how to emerge from a place of panic, and techniques on how to dance in the rain.

1. Escape from the pain.

Lately, when my thoughts turn dark, I’ve been telling myself that I don’t want another life … I want a reprieve from the pain. I’m usually at a loss on how to get there. I’m tired, frustrated, desperate, so my thoughts follow the path that has already been blazed throughout the years … and I fantasize about intoxication or some other destructive behavior that doesn’t require a lot of imagination.

How else can I escape … in a positive way? Instead of romanticizing about death or inebriation from booze, I can research new kayaking routes, bike paths, hiking trails, and camping sites. I can invest the time I lose in unproductive and dangerous thoughts into planning creative outings for myself and for the family that will give me/us the reprieve that I’m craving. I can be proactive about finding sitters for the kids so that my thoughts won’t revert back to “stinking thinking.”

2. Track your mood.

An essential piece of my recovery is keeping a mood journal. This helps me to identify certain patterns that emerge. As I said in my “Me on the Bad Days” post, depression can flare up seemingly out of the blue, like a thunderstorm. But often there are telltale signs that can clue me in as to why I’m feeling so fragile. You can catch these if you’ve been recording your mood over time.

3. Talk about it.

I can’t get a therapy appointment round the clock, so I had better invest in some friends that won’t tire of me telling them that my thoughts are turning to mush again.

Over the weekend I called two friends and my mom. “I’m going there again,” I explained. They know what THERE means … without my having to explain or justify. I don’t fully understand how gabbing heals, the scientific explanation of why venting does so much good, but I can surely attest to it, and confirm the connection between talking about something and feeling better. It’s like you’re a scared little kid in a lightning storm, and a neighbor, seeing that you’re locked out of your house, invites you inside and makes a cup of hot chocolate for you. Well, maybe it’s not that good, but it’s close, which is why our phone bill is way up this month.

4. Repeat: “I WILL Get Better”!

As I said in my video, “I WILL Get Better,” I think about my Aunt Gigi every time I wind up in the depression tunnel, and remember her repeating to me over the phone a few years back: “You will get better. Repeat that. You WILL get better.” Peter J. Steincrohn, M.D., author of “How to Stop Killing Yourself” wrote: “Faith is a powerful antidote against illness. Keep repeating – and believing: I WILL get well. If you believe, you help your doctor and yourself.” And this paragraph from William Styron’s “Darkness Visible” always reassures me:

If depression had no termination, then suicide would, indeed, be the only remedy. But one need not sound the false or inspirational note to stress the truth that depression is not the soul’s annihilation; men and women who have recovered from the disease–and they are countless–bear witness to what is probably its only saving grace: it is conquerable.

5. Take baby steps … a day at a time.

On mornings that I wake up with that nauseating knot of anxiety in my stomach, everything seems overwhelming. Getting myself to the bathroom so that I can brush my teeth feels seems like a triathlon in August. So I don’t attempt the triathlon. I only have to worry about getting my left foot down on the ground. And then my right one. And then I have to stand.

I’ll look at my to-do list and cross off two-thirds of it. “What on this list do I absolutely HAVE to do?” I say so myself. Everything else can wait. And then I start with the first thing, and do the first mini-movement that I need to do in order to accomplish that. If it’s getting Katherine dressed, that means 1. Finding Katherine. (That’s harder than it sounds.) 2. Picking out an outfit. (Ditto.) 3. Helping her out of her nightgown and into her clothes. (That’s where my nervous system almost shuts down.) And so on. Each item on the list can be broken down into a dozen mini-steps.

6. Distract yourself.

Some days I’m just not worth much. All I can do is distract myself … to keep myself from thinking about how awful I feel. Just like Fr. Joe carved figurines out of soap when he was depressed, and Priscilla made jewelry to keep her mind off of her anxiety, I will try to do anything to keep my brain occupied and away from my hurt, sort of like I did when I was in labor: baking chocolate-chip cookies, looking through old pictures, listening to Beethoven and Mozart, watching a comedy, swimming, running, biking, or hiking through the woods. (I didn’t do all of that in labor, though.)

7. Get out your self-esteem file.

For the past few days I’ve been carrying around letters from my self-esteem file in my pocket like a baby blanket. Some people have told me that my self-esteem must be shallow if I have to rely on praise from other people. Maybe it is. But I have to start somewhere, and anyone who has sat in that panic place where you want to end it all, knows that it’s virtually impossible at that time to come up with a list of your own strengths. So you have to believe what other people say.

Return to EverydayHealth.com

Therese J. Borchard writes the daily Beliefnet.com blog Beyond Blue (voted by Psych Central as one of the Top 10 Depression Blogs) and moderates Group Beyond Blue, the Beliefnet Community online support group for depression. Her memoir “Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes” will be released in January of 2010. Subscribe to Beyond Blue here or visit her at www.ThereseBorchard.com.

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John Wooden, one of the greatest coaches to ever coach the game of basketball, was reported to have consistently encouraged his players to “Never let what you can’t do get in the way of what you can do.”

How true that is, we often times talk ourselves out of doing great things because we focus on the things we can’t do. We tend to look at the negative in ourselves. I know from past experiences I have done the same, I have looked to my weakness and failed myself in doing so.

Today it is a different story for me, I now look to my strengths my goals and dreams, I lay my “can not do’s” aside and focus on my “can do’s”. I still faultier and some may say fail (I  personally do not look upon them as failures) but I do not allow that to sway me, I keep on keeping on, borrowing from the 70’s.

So what made the change in me, why do I now look to what I can do and ignore what I can not do? It’s simple, I got tired of failing myself, I got sick of always not trying, of never not knowing if I can do it. But mostly I hated the feeling inside, the feeling of being a failure, of not being good enough of always being second or third or maybe even last best. I needed to change, to move on to grow up to see life in a new way, but mostly I needed to see myself in the true light, not in the light that I shinned upon myself.

My high school years were years filled with second guessing and self doubt. I lived a life of dreaming of being not myself, the life of others was always a better life than mine. I felt no value with what I can do because I only saw what I could not do. I strived to fail, and failed I did.

Post high school I started to see the world and myself through a new light, in truth I can not state what one thing started me on this road of self discovery, but it was a slow road, one that from time to time I still must walk. Unlearning the skill of self doubt is a skill with in it self, so I needed to unlearn and learn new skills all at the same time, what a heavy weight for a young man to carry. But carry it I did, stumbling along the way, and skinning a few knees as I went.

Nothing worth achieving should com easy, i truly believe this now, no so much back then, but now, yah, I truly believe that we must suffer to achieve greatness with in our selves. And suffer I did and suffer I do. But now I look upon that suffering in a new light, a light of truth and light that I choose to shine upon it.

The light of truth is the light that makes me examine myself, to see where I have caused the issue and suffering, the light that forces me to take responsibility for my actions. It is a bright and blinding light at times, a light of extreme heat. But I choose to face it, to allow it to blind me and burn me, if it will, in the end, forge a new me.

But the light of truth has no power unless I shine it upon myself, not others. It is the self incrimination of that light that gives it it’s power. The power of self over self is awesome, its a power of overwhelming consequences, yet it is one that we must unleash, it is a power we must learn to us if we ever wish to become more.

I am still walking that road, I am still stumbling and scraping my knees, and yes I still shine that light upon myself, but now I do not see the sad self of before, one who could not and would not do anything great, but now I see someone who has and will continue to do great things. They may be small small greatness’, and to some not even that great. But to me they are life changing and world enhancing greatness’. And I know that when I shine the light upon myself, I know that I will see someone who has strived for greatness, not allowing the “Can not’s” to interfere with the “Can”.

Paul

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